From Shame and Fear to Enoughness and Worthiness

We live in a culture of scarcity, where nothing is ever "enough".  We are told we are not pretty enough, wealthy, spiritual enough,  good enough, creative enough, enough of a parent or partner...insert just about anything. Now you may be thinking, I don't hear those words everywhere, but think about it...most of advertising is telling you you don't have enough or won't be good enough until you buy their product. Shaming behavior, which is prevalent in our cultural, is all about telling others they are not worthy enough. Once you are aware of this issue scarcity in our culture you begin to see it everywhere and you be begin to notice the effect it is having on out society and on your self.

I struggle with not feeling worthy enough. This feeling of not being worthy enough is at the root of my struggles with fear and shame. Somedays these struggles paralyze me to the point of not being able to accomplish task, not taking a risk I would like to take or not being and ultimately not being able to be be my authentic self. Some days are easier than others-somedays (like today) I have the courage to be authentic and speak my truth. Other days I struggle just to make it through the day without spiraling downward into the negative thoughts that seem to be on auto repeat in the depths of my mind.

The Good News is that there is hope for all of us, because EVERYONE struggles with the "not enough" feeling at some point/s during our lives. The Good News is that we are good enough and worthy enough.

"God is the reminder of our divine worthiness."

Brene Brown

God is the reason we are worthy and good enough. We are created in the divine image of God, meaning we are part of God and God lives within each of us. When we deny our worthiness and our enoughness we deny that which is of God. They question then becomes how do we trust and have faith in our worthiness and enoughness?

We start by being grateful. We practice gratitude. We take time each day to intentionally make ourselves aware of what we have and who we are-that for which we are grateful. This may take the form of a gratitude journal, a family practice of sharing what we are grateful for with one another, creating a collage of gratitude or any other way you may intentionally become aware of what you are grateful to God for.

We also show compassion for ourselves and for others. Showing compassion for ourselves is about being gentle with ourselves. We tend to be harder on ourselves for things we do or who we thing we are than we would be on others. Compassion for ourselves means giving ourselves space to make mistake, forgiving ourselves for things we are regret doing, and being intentional gentle with ourselves when our instinct is to tear ourselves apart.

Just practicing gratitude and compassion on a daily basis can transform our fear and shame into courage and joy! 

Questions for reflection:

In what areas of your life do you feel unworthy or not enough?

In what areas of your life to you feel shameful or afraid?

How might you begin to practice gratitude and/or compassion?

Where do you feel joy in your life? 

I'd love to hear YOUR story and/or walk with YOUR on your journey! Please contact me for more information!

WWJD? The "Outcasts" of Society and Our Personal Response

The New Testament is filled with stories of Jesus interacting with the outcast. In fact these stories are predominate in the Gospels. Jesus is either interacting with, telling parables about or telling his disciples about interacting with outcasts. It's not just that Jesus is interacting with outcast but rather that he is treating them as a Child of God. He sees their humanity AND the divinity that lives within them. He sees and treats them as God would. By his example and teaching he shows and reminds us to do the same.

Yesterday, this concept became very real to me. I don't consider myself a prejudice person in fact I consider myself to be very open minded about and empathetic towards the "outcasts" of our society. Yet, yesterday I was forced to take a deeper look within myself and ask "how would Jesus treat this person?" The first experience occurred at First Presbyterian Church in South St. Paul MN where I was teaching an Adult Education class on Contemplative Spiritual Practices. Earlier in the week I'd been contacted (via email) by Jennifer, the member in charge in Sunday morning Adult Education. So I was expecting to be greeted by her upon arrival. I first saw her from the back; she was tall and wore a lovely dress. When she turned around to greet me and introduce herself it was clear she was a transgender women. I admit I was a bit shocked and starred at her for a moment before I responded. It was this moment of shock that has stayed with me. Why should I be shocked to see a transgendered person? Why should I be shocked to see a transgendered person in church? Why should a be shocked to see a transgendered person in a leadership position in a church? I shouldn't and yet I was!

Fast forward to that evening. Westminster Presbyterian Church in Minneapolis, MN has been hosting homeless and underprivileged men, women and children for an Sunday evening meal once a month for over 25 years. The young adult group, WestConnect, had volunteered to help serve this sit down meal and I had signed up to participate. Unlike that morning when there was a moment that stuck with me, the evening experience on a whole has stuck with me. As I looked out over the individuals sitting down for a home cooked warm meal I began to see them differently. As I interacted with each individual I began to truly see them as individuals who are just like me. As a long time FEAST volunteer said in our orientation, "These people care about the same things that you do. They want to talk about what is going on the world-football, the weather, music etc." It was true!

So how would Jesus treat these people? First of all Jesus wouldn't be shocked by someones outward appearance. Jesus would treat each individual with respect, love and compassion. We all probably know that and we all know that is how we "should" be treating others. Yet, as the saying goes sometimes "it is easier said than done." So what does respect, love and compassion towards the "outcasts" of our society look like? How can we respond to the "outcast" with respect, love and compassion? These are questions that I am still pondering for myself. I know someways I can be more like Jesus but I also know that I can do more. I will strive to make better choices and strive to see EVERYONE as God see them and respond accordingly.

How will you respond?

The Thing About Courage

The thing about courage is that it is hard! Well, at least it is for me. So what exactly is courage? I love Brene Brown's definition of courage. She defines courages as "speaking honestly and openly about two we are, about what we're feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad)" (The Gifts of Imperfection pp. 12-13). In other words courage is about speaking our truth. Courage requires being authentic and having the confidence to speak from our heart about who we are and what we are feeling.

Cultivating courage has been a theme of mine over the past few years. My courage has been tested over and over this past year. This past year required the courage to admit to myself and the world that I was being called away from the vocation of Christian Education. It took courage to dig deep within myself and discover a passion and purpose that has been bubbling within the depths of my spirit for sometime. Both of these realizations required me rediscover my authentic or true self. Not only did I have to "rediscover myself" I also realized the importance of practicing compassion and love toward my authentic self.

One of my favorite quotes about courage is "Courage is fear that has said its prayers." Living in to this new reality has required that I not only face my fear of rejection and not being liked but also praying for healing from the wounds that have contributed this fear. I continue to pray for and practice healing, for self compassion and courage.

What are your stories of courage? What wisdom would you share with others about courage?

Up-side Down Leadership

Genesis 41

Mark 6:30-44

A Pharaoh turning over power to a “criminal”! Jesus AND his disciples feeding 5,000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish! These are pretty amazing stories of upside-down leadership. 

In our first story the almighty Pharaoh who has total power over his people decides to relinquish quite a bit of this power to Joseph. Remember, Pharaoh was like a King in a monarchy he had total power over the people and this power had been passed down to him through his family. Pharaohs themselves were even regarded as gods and god’s are NOT supposed to relinquish power to mere humans. Not to mention the man he was giving power to had been in jail! In fact he came right from jail he was not even a “respectable” man in society! Pharaoh upon knowing this man for less than a day recognizes Josephs gifts and that they are God given and decides to make him “second in command”. Now that’s going out on leadership limb! 

There are several important things going on in this story. One is that God opened Pharaoh’s eyes to God’s power. Pharaoh saw God as bigger and more powerful than even he was and Pharaoh was considered all powerful and god like. Second in seeing God as all powerful Pharaoh buys in to God’s “plan” for the future of Egypt and put’s Joseph in charge of carrying out this plan because of Joseph’s God given gifts and his faith in God. Third we are witness to God’s love and compassion to all of God’s children. God has compassion for Pharaoh by keeping him in power-in other words he doesn’t loose everything because of this change in leadership. God show compassion toward Joseph by bringing him out of his deepest struggle-being in jail. God shows compassion toward the people of Egypt and the surrounding countries through the leadership of Pharaoh and Joseph whose planning ahead kept food in their bellies during the famine. 

Then there is the story of Jesus and his disciples feeding the 5,000. Jesus decides to take his disciples on a little vacation away from the crowds for some rest and relaxation. However, they are “found” and Jesus has “compassion” for the crowd and begins teaching them. As the daylight wanes the disciples, in their typical manner, become restless and begin to worry about how they are going to feed all these people. Their solution, which seems compassionate and easiest, is to just send them out to the neighboring towns so that they can buy their own food before it gets too dark and it is unsafe to travel. 

Jesus, with his true compassion and wisdom, challenges their solution and says “You give them something to eat.” They of course give him a “very good” reason why this is not possible. He then sends them out find out how many “loaves and fishes” they have. After finding out there are 5 loaves and 2 fish he “directs” the disciples to gather the crowd into groups and sit. Giving thanks to God he divides the bread and fish among the disciples to distribute to the entire crowd. 

Think about it! Jesus by this point in his ministry was probably getting kind of tired of the disciples complaining and finding the “easy way out”. It wasn’t that the disciples were not compassionate or dumb they just were not able to see the big picture. In this case Jesus could have taken full power over the disciples and done it all by himself. He is God you know! Yet, instead he decides to empower his disciples to serve the people. Jesus, challenges the status quo and the disciples first solution by setting forth a new vision/solution where the disciples and the gathered crowd could experience the love and power of God. By equipping the disciples with the necessary gifts they are able engage more fully and truly in God’s work. Jesus empowers the disciples to become leaders in this ministry of compassion and love.

Both of these stories testify to God’s compassion and love for her beloved. These stories also testify to the fact that all people are beloved children of God and thus we all deserve compassion and love. Compassion, belonging, and love are not based on our status in society, how much money we have, our age, or our religion. We all deserve these things because we all belong to God. Ministry is showing authentic compassion and love to God’s people no matter who they are. It might be your sister, your teacher, the bully at school, the mean coworker, the homeless person you passed on your way here, your children or grandchildren...you get the idea. We are all called by God to embody compassion and love-this is ministry.

We are all called into ministry and ministry requires shared leadership. According to Kevin Ford in his book Transforming Church, Leadership is not defined in terms of power over someone or something but rather is defined as “leadership as ministry through sacrifice and service.” (Ford p. 11). For Ford leadership is shared leadership. In American culture this kind of leadership might be considered upside-down leadership. In a culture that promotes power and individuality, effective leadership is defined by how much power you have over someone and how effective you are at coercing others to follow you.  This stands is stark contrast to leadership as compassion, sacrifice, and service! In this context Ford says “leadership is about how best to fulfill the churches mission” (Ford p. 11). Our mission, ultimately, is to embody God’s love and compassion in our own context.

Both of today’s Bible stories are examples of this type of leadership. Pharaoh sacrificed his power and probably his status. In doing so he showed compassion for his people as well as recognizing the gifts and wisdom of Joseph. Jesus’ leadership was also one of compassion and service. In this story Jesus empowered his disciples to carry out a ministry of compassion and love.

Shared leadership and ministry go hand in hand. Shared leadership requires sacrifice, service, vision, faith, and compassion. Ministry occurs in the Dayton Avenue Presbyterian Church (DAPC) community, in you family, your workplace, and/or in your personal life. Ministry happens when God’s love and compassion are experienced by everyone. Cultivating ministries of love and compassion requires that everyone participate using our unique God given gifts. Leadership as ministry occurs when we empower others and/or are empowered by others to use our gifts to embody God’s love and compassion for all people and to focus on how to best fulfill this congregation’s mission.

I wonder how we in the DAPC community can embody leadership as ministry? How can we in “official” leadership positions empower this community to best fulfill the mission of DAPC? I wonder how God will use this community to embody her love and compassion? I wonder how God will bless each of us this week with love and compassion? I wonder how will we respond?

Amen.