From Shame and Fear to Enoughness and Worthiness

We live in a culture of scarcity, where nothing is ever "enough".  We are told we are not pretty enough, wealthy, spiritual enough,  good enough, creative enough, enough of a parent or partner...insert just about anything. Now you may be thinking, I don't hear those words everywhere, but think about it...most of advertising is telling you you don't have enough or won't be good enough until you buy their product. Shaming behavior, which is prevalent in our cultural, is all about telling others they are not worthy enough. Once you are aware of this issue scarcity in our culture you begin to see it everywhere and you be begin to notice the effect it is having on out society and on your self.

I struggle with not feeling worthy enough. This feeling of not being worthy enough is at the root of my struggles with fear and shame. Somedays these struggles paralyze me to the point of not being able to accomplish task, not taking a risk I would like to take or not being and ultimately not being able to be be my authentic self. Some days are easier than others-somedays (like today) I have the courage to be authentic and speak my truth. Other days I struggle just to make it through the day without spiraling downward into the negative thoughts that seem to be on auto repeat in the depths of my mind.

The Good News is that there is hope for all of us, because EVERYONE struggles with the "not enough" feeling at some point/s during our lives. The Good News is that we are good enough and worthy enough.

"God is the reminder of our divine worthiness."

Brene Brown

God is the reason we are worthy and good enough. We are created in the divine image of God, meaning we are part of God and God lives within each of us. When we deny our worthiness and our enoughness we deny that which is of God. They question then becomes how do we trust and have faith in our worthiness and enoughness?

We start by being grateful. We practice gratitude. We take time each day to intentionally make ourselves aware of what we have and who we are-that for which we are grateful. This may take the form of a gratitude journal, a family practice of sharing what we are grateful for with one another, creating a collage of gratitude or any other way you may intentionally become aware of what you are grateful to God for.

We also show compassion for ourselves and for others. Showing compassion for ourselves is about being gentle with ourselves. We tend to be harder on ourselves for things we do or who we thing we are than we would be on others. Compassion for ourselves means giving ourselves space to make mistake, forgiving ourselves for things we are regret doing, and being intentional gentle with ourselves when our instinct is to tear ourselves apart.

Just practicing gratitude and compassion on a daily basis can transform our fear and shame into courage and joy! 

Questions for reflection:

In what areas of your life do you feel unworthy or not enough?

In what areas of your life to you feel shameful or afraid?

How might you begin to practice gratitude and/or compassion?

Where do you feel joy in your life? 

I'd love to hear YOUR story and/or walk with YOUR on your journey! Please contact me for more information!

Praying in Color and Embracing Change

In the past year I have been challenged to embrace change with vulnerability, courage, and self acceptance. This has not been any easy task. In fact some days I would rather just stick my head in a hole and not resurface until it's all over. However, I know this is really not the best or most effective way to live one's life even if life has thrown you a huge curve ball. So instead I have been searching for ways to "rise strong" (Rising Strong is the title of Brene Brown's newest book) and show up every moment of every day. A few of the ways I have been doing this is through regular yoga practice, reaching out to friends and professionals for support and healing, and more recently reintroducing regular prayer practices into my daily routine.

For the past week I have been digging into to my creative heart and my need to work with my hands and "trying out" a prayer practice called Praying in Color. Praying in Color uses the concepts of doodling and coloring as tools for a more "active, meditative, playful prayer practice" (Praying in Color pg. 5). You can pray for others, for you self, or even pray through scripture.

As you can see my prayer focus has been self centered (in a positive way). My need to embrace change within myself and my situation has dictated my praying in color practice thus far. It has allowed me to take time to listen for God, ask questions of God and myself, and seek answers about who I am and where I am on the this journey we call life.

This practice is constantly changing (as you can tell from the two photographs). No two prayers are alike.

Praying in Color allows my brain to focus and wander simultaneously. It also gives me a safe time and outlet to lean in to and really feel my emotions. For example today while I was doodling "embrace fear" not only did I notice the fear bubbling up from within but I was able to doodle and color the emotion as I was feeling it. I authentically felt it but it didn't have the power to paralyze me. I believe  this is what the God means in the verse "Do not be afraid."

This is an ever evolving prayer practice and I am excited to see where it will take me next.

Does this practice intrigue you? Would you like to learn more about it? If so, click on the link above or click right here.  Or contact me and we can chat about it-I'd love to help you begin!

Jesus the Master of Love

For a long time I struggled with Jesus. I knew I believed in Jesus as Lord and savior yet I struggled with what this meant. I struggled with who Jesus was and what he meant for human kind and for that matter what he meant for me. In college I came face to face with this tension in the form of friends who believed that the only way to be "saved" and go to heaven was to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and confess him as you Lord and Savior. This didn't sit well with me, yet I didn't know why. I think I knew there was more to it than this.

Fast forward 15 years to the present. I have been through seminary and worked in the church for 10+ years and I still have not been able to fully express what a truly believed about Jesus. I had some jumbled ideas and thoughts but nothing concrete. Then one day not too long ago this video (I wish I knew how to put this directly on this page) featuring Brene Brown popped up on my Facebook feed. As I watched it, I kept saying, "Yes, this is exactly what I know to be true and how I feel about Jesus!" I urge you to watch this 3 minute video. Basically she says that God sent Jesus to show us how to love; to show us that love is messy, it's hard, but it is worth it.

Jesus's kind of love is what the Kingdom of God and salvation are about. In other words we are entities of love just like Jesus was. The difference is that Jesus really understood true love, he was the master of it. We are all just apprentices learning from the best. We stumble, we fall, we fail, we even spew hatred. Salvation is about turning away from sin and towards God. God = Love. So salvation is really about being entities of God's Love as shown though Jesus. Each day we can choose to practice love-love for ourselves, our friends and family, the stranger, and even and maybe most importantly our "enemy." This journey called life is about learning to and living into to our calling to be entities of God's amazingly messy yet transforming love!

The Thing About Courage

The thing about courage is that it is hard! Well, at least it is for me. So what exactly is courage? I love Brene Brown's definition of courage. She defines courages as "speaking honestly and openly about two we are, about what we're feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad)" (The Gifts of Imperfection pp. 12-13). In other words courage is about speaking our truth. Courage requires being authentic and having the confidence to speak from our heart about who we are and what we are feeling.

Cultivating courage has been a theme of mine over the past few years. My courage has been tested over and over this past year. This past year required the courage to admit to myself and the world that I was being called away from the vocation of Christian Education. It took courage to dig deep within myself and discover a passion and purpose that has been bubbling within the depths of my spirit for sometime. Both of these realizations required me rediscover my authentic or true self. Not only did I have to "rediscover myself" I also realized the importance of practicing compassion and love toward my authentic self.

One of my favorite quotes about courage is "Courage is fear that has said its prayers." Living in to this new reality has required that I not only face my fear of rejection and not being liked but also praying for healing from the wounds that have contributed this fear. I continue to pray for and practice healing, for self compassion and courage.

What are your stories of courage? What wisdom would you share with others about courage?