Reflections of Light and Love

While I was viewing and photographing the lunar eclipse the other night I began to ponder the idea of light. When I was very young I believed that the moon produced it's own light like the sun did. Of course at some point I learned that the light we observe from the moon is actually just a reflection of light from the sun.

As I was viewing the eclipse it hit me-humans like the moon are only reflections of God's light and love. While God's light and love live with in us we are not producers of this light and love. God has entrusted us to be reflections of this light and love by embedding it within us. With out God there is no love or light to reflect.

Just like the during a lunar eclipse the light reflected by the mood seems to disappear as the earth obstructs the light, there are times when the light in us seems to go out. The brokenness, suffering and sin of the world can block out our reflection of God's light and love. It is during these times that we tend to forget we are not creators of light and love-God is. God's light and love are always within us that is good news!

We know the darkness of the lunar eclipse is only temporary and that the moon will once again reflect the sun light. This is also true of the darkness that evades our lives. It is temporary and we can have faith that we will again reflect God's light and love. We must keep moving forward during the times of darkness. We must be on the look out for that first glimmer of light reappearing within our heart and soul and when we glimpse it we can celebrate knowing that we are more fully reflecting God's amazing healing and transforming light and love!

Prayer Practices-Prayer Walk

When I was in seminary I had a Saturday morning ritual that prepared me for a day of studying. Each Saturday morning I would put on my tennis shoes, comfortable clothing and head out into the neighborhood for a prayer walk. I would walk the same route or at least a similar one this way I could focus in my prayer rather than where I was going. My route was perfect because for much of the route I could walk in the boulevard and feel a little more removed from the houses that lined the street. As I walked I would talk out loud to God. In the beginning I was very aware of the fact that someone might think I was a little coo-coo. Yet, the more I walked the more I realized that it didn't really matter what other people thought. This time was my time to talk to God and by golly I was going to to it my way!

I don't recall everything I prayed about. I do however, recall that my prayers were very self centered. They tended to focus on things that were happening in my life and affected me. I am sure they focused on my studies and my relationships with those around me. This self focused prayer time was what I needed at the time. I needed to say out loud what was I thinking and feeling so I could return to campus and hopefully be more effective in my studies.

I often wonder how this ritual might have been different if I had spend more time listening for and to God. I wonder if I might have heard a different calling or been more attuned to my authentic self. I wonder if I might have been less anxious and more grateful. As I write this blog I feel drawn to perhaps reengaging with this prayer walk practice with an emphasis on listening rather than talking. I might even come up with a mantra to use to help me concentrate on this aspect of prayer. Or perhaps I will focus on my yoga breath and the calm and openness this can bring.

As I am challenged to recommit to this practice that has been so life giving, I challenge you to try out this prayer practice. Maybe you want to walk the halls of your work place and say a prayer for your co-workers (and no you don't have to talk out loud). Perhaps you want to take a walk in the woods and listen for God's still small voice in the song's of the birds or the wind as it rustles the leaves. Maybe you take your family for a walk in the neighborhood praying for your neighbors as you walk.

If you do take this challenge please share your stories with me. I would love to hear how God is present in your life through prayer!

Prayer As Intentional Communication with God

Prayer is a funny thing. Some days it seems as natural as breathing. Others days it seems as difficult as learning a new language. Spent many years of my life trying to discover the "right" way to pray. I would "try out" different types of prayer, only to find that after using a specific type of prayer for a while it would loose my interest or would no longer resonate with me. As this cycle continued my frustration grew, until I no longer wanted to pray because I couldn't pray the "right" way.

After sometime I came to realize that there is no "right" way to pray. In fact, when it comes to prayer there are literally hundreds of ways to pray. Prayer is intentional communication with God. It is expressing ones thoughts, feelings, and longings to God as well as listening for God's still small voice or being open to a kick in the pants. With this in mind the ways we express ourself are as varied as each individual.

I admit that I still struggle with the listening aspect of prayer. I struggle to discern if the "voice" I'm hearing is God's or mine. I struggle to quiet my racing thoughts enough to really truly hear what God is saying. There are tools I use to help me in my quest to hear God's voice. The one I turn to most frequently is visualization prayer (I wrote about this type of prayer in a previous post-you can find that post here). This is one area where I want to grow so I can more fully experience God's grace and healing love. I'd love to hear your stories about listening for God voice in your prayer practice.

In future posts I will share with you types of prayer. Are there types of prayer you would like to know more about? What types of prayer are you curious about? Is there a type of prayer you've been wanting to try but feel apprehensive about? What are your favorite ways to pray?

Jesus the Master of Love

For a long time I struggled with Jesus. I knew I believed in Jesus as Lord and savior yet I struggled with what this meant. I struggled with who Jesus was and what he meant for human kind and for that matter what he meant for me. In college I came face to face with this tension in the form of friends who believed that the only way to be "saved" and go to heaven was to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and confess him as you Lord and Savior. This didn't sit well with me, yet I didn't know why. I think I knew there was more to it than this.

Fast forward 15 years to the present. I have been through seminary and worked in the church for 10+ years and I still have not been able to fully express what a truly believed about Jesus. I had some jumbled ideas and thoughts but nothing concrete. Then one day not too long ago this video (I wish I knew how to put this directly on this page) featuring Brene Brown popped up on my Facebook feed. As I watched it, I kept saying, "Yes, this is exactly what I know to be true and how I feel about Jesus!" I urge you to watch this 3 minute video. Basically she says that God sent Jesus to show us how to love; to show us that love is messy, it's hard, but it is worth it.

Jesus's kind of love is what the Kingdom of God and salvation are about. In other words we are entities of love just like Jesus was. The difference is that Jesus really understood true love, he was the master of it. We are all just apprentices learning from the best. We stumble, we fall, we fail, we even spew hatred. Salvation is about turning away from sin and towards God. God = Love. So salvation is really about being entities of God's Love as shown though Jesus. Each day we can choose to practice love-love for ourselves, our friends and family, the stranger, and even and maybe most importantly our "enemy." This journey called life is about learning to and living into to our calling to be entities of God's amazingly messy yet transforming love!

Visualization Prayer and Meditation

I am sitting in a big comfy chair in an open gazebo like structure. The candles are glowing and there is a fire going in the stone fireplace. There are vases of flowers and beautiful artwork. As I gaze outside I see a meadow in one direction, a lake in the other, and behind me is forest. As I sit in the stillness I feel the a cool breeze against my body and watch the candles flicker. I am waiting. Then there is a knock at the door...who will it be? What will I say to them? What will they say to me? How will I feel being in there presence?

This place doesn't literally exists. You have just entered into one of the settings and situations for my visualization prayer and meditation. This is one of my favorite forms of prayer and meditation. What I love about visualization is that it gives me something tangible to focus on. In this particular visualization setting the person at the door might be Jesus, a co-worker, a family member, a friend, or even a combination of people. There have been times when I thought I knew who was that the door but when the person entered I was completely surprised. I believe God brings particular people or personas to my door as specific times and for specific reasons. There are times when I just need to lay all my sadness, anger or anxiety out before Jesus. Other times I need to have a "conversation" with a person or persona in order to heal from or move deeper into a situation.

My first encounter with visualization prayer and meditation was during sessions with my Spiritual Director, Rev. Anita Cummings. These were guided visualizations that I have been able to take with me and use them on my own. There are many forms of visualization prayer and meditation. It may help you discern a God's will in a particular decision or situation, it may help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings toward a person or situation, it may give you an avenue for "venting" to God, or it may provide an opportunity to dwell in God's healing love.

I invite you to give this form a prayer and meditation a try. If you would like some assistance getting started I would be happy to partner with you as you venture in.

My Spiritual Direction Experience

One of the most life altering decisions I ever made was to meet with a Spiritual Director.  I was at a point in my life where I felt "stuck" and was feeling far from God. I was working as a Director of Christian Education and kept telling myself that I should be more spiritual and should feel closer to God. I expected that in meeting with a Spiritual Director I would be given spiritual practices to do and maybe talk some about my life. I thought this would be the answer.

Then I started meeting with the Rev. Anita Cummings and my expectations about what spiritual direction was were turned upside down. Sessions with Anita were a mixture of prayer, conversation, visualization, energy/chakra work, and stretching. I fell in love with this integrative approach. Anita, challenged me to begin the healing process-I call it "soul work." This process is about healing the mind and soul but also about uncovering your "hidden treasures." In the end it is about uncovering your and renewing ones relationship with ones authentic self.

As the sessions continued I found I was drawn to the the energy/chakra work and the stretching. It was during this part of my session that I experienced the most overall healing. I found I myself more aware and fully present to my mind, body and spirit. Sometimes healing came in the form of letting go, sometimes in the form more courage, sometimes relaxation, and sometimes a true "aha" moment.

I truly believe that if I had not began spiritual direction with Anita I would still paralyzed with brokenness, fear and shame. I would still be seeking God in all the "wrong" places and I would be a very dark shadow of my authentic self.

Where have you found healing? Who is your spiritual director or guide?

Tell me about your experience with spiritual direction. What is/was it like? What do/did you do? How has it changed you?

Friday Photographs: Remembering 9-11-01

Yes, I am like many others I vividly remember 9-11-2001-what I was doing, who I first spoke with, even what I was wearing when the first tower was hit. I want to remember because I want to keep alive the memory of those that lost their lives but I also want to keep alive and honor all the "helpers". That day the sun set on a era in America. We live in a new reality because of that day. The reality that I want to lift up is the reality of a nation coming together, of people helping each other, people leaning on one another, people being community for each other, and people being the face of Jesus for another. A new day has dawned-let us keep alive the positive things that came from this horrific day!

Breathe In and Out...Breathe In and Out...

Breathe in and out...breathe in and out...breathe in and out...this is how most yoga classes begin. By connecting with rhythm of your breath you begin to to notice things about your body and your mind. You begin to notice where there is tension and where there is an opening for release. This is what keeps me practicing yoga.

When I first began regularly practicing yoga about 9 months ago it was primarily for my physical wellbeing as well as longing for a community where experienced love and belonging. There is no doubt that I am physically stronger and more flexible. In fact when I began yoga I had no idea there were these "crazy" arm balance poses and when I first saw them I thought to myself, "I could never do those!" Yet, today I can do many of them! I am amazed by what my body is capable of.

However, I've also learned that not every pose is there every time you come to your mat. There are days when it takes every ounce of my energy to just get through "my flow" and the rest is really just a crap shoot. On those days, after I curse myself for not being able to to a pose, I then promptly say to myself, "it's okay that it's not there today, maybe tomorrow, or possibly the next day it will be there." I think this is true in life. Some days we can do it and some days we fail. It is on those days that I need to remind myself to love who I am and what I can to that day, not what I could do yesterday or what I might be able to do tomorrow, just who I am TODAY!

What I didn't expect when I began practicing yoga was that I would be challenged and encouraged to be fully present with myself. This practice of being fully present with myself has cultivated an awareness of the connection with mind, body, and spirit. I find the more fully present with myself, the more authentic the connection is between my mind, body, and spirit. Being fully present with yourself requires awareness of the effect that your mind, body and spirt have on one another.  For example, we tend to hold the energy from emotions in our hips, thus when you do a yoga pose that is a hip opener you may suddenly feel a release of an emotion that was stored there. Through the practice of yoga I have become so aware of the these connections and for that I am grateful!

For me the yoga breath...breathing in and out...is where I begin to be fully present with myself. I am reminded that in hebrew the word for "breath" is the same as the word for "spirit." To breathe is to filled with the Holy Spirit. Thus, being fully present with myself is also to be fully present with God.  

Just Say "Yes"

One of my yoga instructors told me one day that I "needed to start saying YES to everything" and that it would "change my life". While I haven't taken his advice to the extreme, meaning I don't say yet to everything, it has made me stop to think about my decisions. I stop and ask myself why am I saying yes, no, or not now.

This past weekend I spend a wonderful afternoon with some friends at their home on the lake. This day I said YES to doing two things I hadn't even occurred to me to do this weekend. I went tubing for the first time in 20 years and I went on a jet ski for the first time ever. During both of these activities I dropped the masks I'd been wearing and was truly myself. I let myself just be and truly enjoyed the experience. I did't worry about what others would think of my decisions or my actions. Actually I was really in my element in/on the water (I think there must be something me being a Pieces!).

In this instance saying YES reminded me of parts of myself I had forgotten or pushed away because it was not something "we did" or it was something only "other people did." I was reminded that to be your authentic self is to feel alive and free. That is how I felt as I sped along the water this weekend. I am committed to spending more time in/on the water because I want to feel alive and free more often!

God created us to be alive and free in body, mind and spirit. When do you feel most authentic or alive? What makes you feel alive? Go and do it-you won't regret it!

Friday Photographs-Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and

wonderfully made!"

Psalm 139:14

No matter what flaws we see in ourselves or how broken we might feel we can find hope in the truth that God created us and LOVES us unconditionally. With that knowledge we can be assured that we are worthy of love and belonging. We are all indeed beautiful! 

Living in the Shadows

When we look at a shadow we are seeing only an outline of the actual item. Depending on how the light is cast the shadow of an item can be very skewed and very different from the what the item actually looks like.   When we look only at a shadow we only see what is projected. We don't see the actual or true item.  

Most of us live most of our lives projecting and living in a shadow of our authentic self. As I stated in a previous post I believe our authentic or true self the "self" God intended and created us to be. It is the unwounded, unhurt, and innocent self.  As we live life we become wounded, broken, and afraid. As children we learn to protect ourselves from negative experiences. We build walls, we create masks, and we just tend to forget our authentic self. We forget who God created us to be. We forget we are worthy of love and belonging be cause we are a child of God.

I think there comes a time in our lives when we long to rediscover our authentic self. We need to begin to peel back the layers of fear, woundedness, broken, and shame that have provided the shadow image we see and project. Rediscovering our authentic self is a long and difficult process. There are many avenues, tools, and ways of self discovery. 

What are some tools and avenues you have found to be effective in discovering your authentic self?