From Shame and Fear to Enoughness and Worthiness

We live in a culture of scarcity, where nothing is ever "enough".  We are told we are not pretty enough, wealthy, spiritual enough,  good enough, creative enough, enough of a parent or partner...insert just about anything. Now you may be thinking, I don't hear those words everywhere, but think about it...most of advertising is telling you you don't have enough or won't be good enough until you buy their product. Shaming behavior, which is prevalent in our cultural, is all about telling others they are not worthy enough. Once you are aware of this issue scarcity in our culture you begin to see it everywhere and you be begin to notice the effect it is having on out society and on your self.

I struggle with not feeling worthy enough. This feeling of not being worthy enough is at the root of my struggles with fear and shame. Somedays these struggles paralyze me to the point of not being able to accomplish task, not taking a risk I would like to take or not being and ultimately not being able to be be my authentic self. Some days are easier than others-somedays (like today) I have the courage to be authentic and speak my truth. Other days I struggle just to make it through the day without spiraling downward into the negative thoughts that seem to be on auto repeat in the depths of my mind.

The Good News is that there is hope for all of us, because EVERYONE struggles with the "not enough" feeling at some point/s during our lives. The Good News is that we are good enough and worthy enough.

"God is the reminder of our divine worthiness."

Brene Brown

God is the reason we are worthy and good enough. We are created in the divine image of God, meaning we are part of God and God lives within each of us. When we deny our worthiness and our enoughness we deny that which is of God. They question then becomes how do we trust and have faith in our worthiness and enoughness?

We start by being grateful. We practice gratitude. We take time each day to intentionally make ourselves aware of what we have and who we are-that for which we are grateful. This may take the form of a gratitude journal, a family practice of sharing what we are grateful for with one another, creating a collage of gratitude or any other way you may intentionally become aware of what you are grateful to God for.

We also show compassion for ourselves and for others. Showing compassion for ourselves is about being gentle with ourselves. We tend to be harder on ourselves for things we do or who we thing we are than we would be on others. Compassion for ourselves means giving ourselves space to make mistake, forgiving ourselves for things we are regret doing, and being intentional gentle with ourselves when our instinct is to tear ourselves apart.

Just practicing gratitude and compassion on a daily basis can transform our fear and shame into courage and joy! 

Questions for reflection:

In what areas of your life do you feel unworthy or not enough?

In what areas of your life to you feel shameful or afraid?

How might you begin to practice gratitude and/or compassion?

Where do you feel joy in your life? 

I'd love to hear YOUR story and/or walk with YOUR on your journey! Please contact me for more information!

Praying in Color and Embracing Change

In the past year I have been challenged to embrace change with vulnerability, courage, and self acceptance. This has not been any easy task. In fact some days I would rather just stick my head in a hole and not resurface until it's all over. However, I know this is really not the best or most effective way to live one's life even if life has thrown you a huge curve ball. So instead I have been searching for ways to "rise strong" (Rising Strong is the title of Brene Brown's newest book) and show up every moment of every day. A few of the ways I have been doing this is through regular yoga practice, reaching out to friends and professionals for support and healing, and more recently reintroducing regular prayer practices into my daily routine.

For the past week I have been digging into to my creative heart and my need to work with my hands and "trying out" a prayer practice called Praying in Color. Praying in Color uses the concepts of doodling and coloring as tools for a more "active, meditative, playful prayer practice" (Praying in Color pg. 5). You can pray for others, for you self, or even pray through scripture.

As you can see my prayer focus has been self centered (in a positive way). My need to embrace change within myself and my situation has dictated my praying in color practice thus far. It has allowed me to take time to listen for God, ask questions of God and myself, and seek answers about who I am and where I am on the this journey we call life.

This practice is constantly changing (as you can tell from the two photographs). No two prayers are alike.

Praying in Color allows my brain to focus and wander simultaneously. It also gives me a safe time and outlet to lean in to and really feel my emotions. For example today while I was doodling "embrace fear" not only did I notice the fear bubbling up from within but I was able to doodle and color the emotion as I was feeling it. I authentically felt it but it didn't have the power to paralyze me. I believe  this is what the God means in the verse "Do not be afraid."

This is an ever evolving prayer practice and I am excited to see where it will take me next.

Does this practice intrigue you? Would you like to learn more about it? If so, click on the link above or click right here.  Or contact me and we can chat about it-I'd love to help you begin!

The Thing About Courage

The thing about courage is that it is hard! Well, at least it is for me. So what exactly is courage? I love Brene Brown's definition of courage. She defines courages as "speaking honestly and openly about two we are, about what we're feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad)" (The Gifts of Imperfection pp. 12-13). In other words courage is about speaking our truth. Courage requires being authentic and having the confidence to speak from our heart about who we are and what we are feeling.

Cultivating courage has been a theme of mine over the past few years. My courage has been tested over and over this past year. This past year required the courage to admit to myself and the world that I was being called away from the vocation of Christian Education. It took courage to dig deep within myself and discover a passion and purpose that has been bubbling within the depths of my spirit for sometime. Both of these realizations required me rediscover my authentic or true self. Not only did I have to "rediscover myself" I also realized the importance of practicing compassion and love toward my authentic self.

One of my favorite quotes about courage is "Courage is fear that has said its prayers." Living in to this new reality has required that I not only face my fear of rejection and not being liked but also praying for healing from the wounds that have contributed this fear. I continue to pray for and practice healing, for self compassion and courage.

What are your stories of courage? What wisdom would you share with others about courage?

Friday Photographs-Remembering My Baptism

"I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen"

On June 12, 1977 I was baptized surround by God's love in the form of my family and the Congregation of Westminster Presbyterian Church.

This beautiful baptismal bowl adorns the sanctuary at Memorial Presbyterian Church where I serve as Director of Christian Education. It represents the my journey-at times overwhelmed with fear, shame, and anger, healing and transformation 

and shimmers of gold or light.

Emmanuel-God Within Me

The beginning of Advent is just over a week away and I have been thinking about waiting and preparing. The purpose of Advent is to prepare for Emmanuel or God with us. I feel like I have just come out of a long period of Advent in my faith journey. Since I left my previous position in Hudson, WI over two years ago I had been preparing and waiting for my next call. My experience in Hudson proved to be a turning point in my faith journey. 

The experience propelled me to do some serious "soul work".  I yearned to feel God's presence and I yearned to feel worthy. It turns our what I really needed was to recover Emmanuel within myself. I embarked on a journey of peeling away the layers of shame and fear that hid my true soul, my authentic self-that hid Emmanuel. In the beginning I believed this uncovering would be easy-just learning skills to make the shame and fear go away. It turns out it was a painful process because healing means wading through the messiness of shame and fear and coming out on the other side. It meant learning what triggers my feelings of shame and fear, it meant lots of crying, and it meant lots of hard work.

What I discovered was that under all the shame and fear God was  present within me. God was working in me. God's healing love was transforming the dark wounds of shame and fear into light. The light revealed gifts of worthiness, leadership, compassion, confidence, hope, and joy. I also discovered that God was preparing me for a new adventure-an adventure that has taken me away from my family, my friends, my support system. Two years ago I was not ready for this adventure-I had to wait. God was preparing my heart and soul to minister with the congregation of Memorial Presbyterian Church.

Right now seems to be a Christmas season in my faith journey. I am able to more fully embrace Emmanuel or God within me. I am grateful for the Advent Season in my life but even more grateful for this new season of joy and light!

Emmanuel!

Prayer for Healing & Light

This is an excerpt from my prayer journal from a few days ago-I believe many people have a similar prayer!

Holy One, I strive each day to be authentic and true-to be vulnerable and courageous. I can see and feel the wounds of my mind and soul healing. They are healing slowly from the inside out, from the depths to the surface-the way wounds should heal. I know I have "soul work" to continue that will aide in the healing that only your love can provide. As my wounds heal, I discover a deep love and longing for my authentic self. I discover a desire to stop living in hurt and fear and begin living in worthiness and true love. May your healing and transforming love continue to wash over me and flow into the depths of my mind, body, and soul so that I may be light to this world...AMEN!

Friday Photographs

"Today, like every other day, we wake up empty
and frightened. Don't open the door to the study
and begin reading. Take down the dulcimer.
Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kiss the ground."

-Rumi