From Shame and Fear to Enoughness and Worthiness

We live in a culture of scarcity, where nothing is ever "enough".  We are told we are not pretty enough, wealthy, spiritual enough,  good enough, creative enough, enough of a parent or partner...insert just about anything. Now you may be thinking, I don't hear those words everywhere, but think about it...most of advertising is telling you you don't have enough or won't be good enough until you buy their product. Shaming behavior, which is prevalent in our cultural, is all about telling others they are not worthy enough. Once you are aware of this issue scarcity in our culture you begin to see it everywhere and you be begin to notice the effect it is having on out society and on your self.

I struggle with not feeling worthy enough. This feeling of not being worthy enough is at the root of my struggles with fear and shame. Somedays these struggles paralyze me to the point of not being able to accomplish task, not taking a risk I would like to take or not being and ultimately not being able to be be my authentic self. Some days are easier than others-somedays (like today) I have the courage to be authentic and speak my truth. Other days I struggle just to make it through the day without spiraling downward into the negative thoughts that seem to be on auto repeat in the depths of my mind.

The Good News is that there is hope for all of us, because EVERYONE struggles with the "not enough" feeling at some point/s during our lives. The Good News is that we are good enough and worthy enough.

"God is the reminder of our divine worthiness."

Brene Brown

God is the reason we are worthy and good enough. We are created in the divine image of God, meaning we are part of God and God lives within each of us. When we deny our worthiness and our enoughness we deny that which is of God. They question then becomes how do we trust and have faith in our worthiness and enoughness?

We start by being grateful. We practice gratitude. We take time each day to intentionally make ourselves aware of what we have and who we are-that for which we are grateful. This may take the form of a gratitude journal, a family practice of sharing what we are grateful for with one another, creating a collage of gratitude or any other way you may intentionally become aware of what you are grateful to God for.

We also show compassion for ourselves and for others. Showing compassion for ourselves is about being gentle with ourselves. We tend to be harder on ourselves for things we do or who we thing we are than we would be on others. Compassion for ourselves means giving ourselves space to make mistake, forgiving ourselves for things we are regret doing, and being intentional gentle with ourselves when our instinct is to tear ourselves apart.

Just practicing gratitude and compassion on a daily basis can transform our fear and shame into courage and joy! 

Questions for reflection:

In what areas of your life do you feel unworthy or not enough?

In what areas of your life to you feel shameful or afraid?

How might you begin to practice gratitude and/or compassion?

Where do you feel joy in your life? 

I'd love to hear YOUR story and/or walk with YOUR on your journey! Please contact me for more information!

Friday Photographs-Remembering My Baptism

"I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen"

On June 12, 1977 I was baptized surround by God's love in the form of my family and the Congregation of Westminster Presbyterian Church.

This beautiful baptismal bowl adorns the sanctuary at Memorial Presbyterian Church where I serve as Director of Christian Education. It represents the my journey-at times overwhelmed with fear, shame, and anger, healing and transformation 

and shimmers of gold or light.

Living and Leaning Into My Leadership Role

For as long as I can remember in my adult life and especially in my call as a Christian Educator I have questioned and doubted my skills in leadership. These doubts have been fueled by the criticisms of others in "authority".  In reality I have doubted lot about myself which has led to a lack of self confidence and this has translated into a lack of confidence in my role as a leader.

As you might recall I recently (about 9 months ago) I began a new call as the Director of Christian Education at Memorial Presbyterian Church. I was so excited to start a fresh after much "soul" and shame work. I felt confident! From the time I completed my onsite interview I knew this was where God was calling me and I trusted God would provide. I felt like I could take on the world…or at least the Educational Ministry of MPC!

I knew that honing and owning my leadership skill was something I wanted to embrace in this new call. My new colleague, Mike and I had discussed this in my initial interviews and I   was convinced he would challenge and support me in the endeavor (he has and he is!).  I thought living into my leadership role at MPC would just happen, I thought it would be easy…well trust me it didn't and it hasn't!

The past nine months have been a roller - coster in the leadership department. There have been some high highs and some low lows. There have been times when leadership seems natural and easy-I feel like I was a leader. Then there were the times I was was leading but rather managing and that I needed to "step it up". That hit hard…I thought I was leading…doubt crept in and I began searching, praying, and reaching out.

I began to seriously ponder leadership-What was I missing? What was my leadership style? Did I really have leadership skills? What next?

Hope was not lost-I was receiving little whispers from God (in the form of those "silly" Facebook quizzes and encouragement from trusted friends and colleagues) that I do have the skills necessary for effective leadership. I feel like I'm still discovering and naming theses skills for myself. 

It has occurred to me that maybe living and leaning into my leadership role is really about I trusting myself!

(I would love to hear you thoughts on the concept of leadership and specifically my how I can become a more effective leader.)

Emmanuel-God Within Me

The beginning of Advent is just over a week away and I have been thinking about waiting and preparing. The purpose of Advent is to prepare for Emmanuel or God with us. I feel like I have just come out of a long period of Advent in my faith journey. Since I left my previous position in Hudson, WI over two years ago I had been preparing and waiting for my next call. My experience in Hudson proved to be a turning point in my faith journey. 

The experience propelled me to do some serious "soul work".  I yearned to feel God's presence and I yearned to feel worthy. It turns our what I really needed was to recover Emmanuel within myself. I embarked on a journey of peeling away the layers of shame and fear that hid my true soul, my authentic self-that hid Emmanuel. In the beginning I believed this uncovering would be easy-just learning skills to make the shame and fear go away. It turns out it was a painful process because healing means wading through the messiness of shame and fear and coming out on the other side. It meant learning what triggers my feelings of shame and fear, it meant lots of crying, and it meant lots of hard work.

What I discovered was that under all the shame and fear God was  present within me. God was working in me. God's healing love was transforming the dark wounds of shame and fear into light. The light revealed gifts of worthiness, leadership, compassion, confidence, hope, and joy. I also discovered that God was preparing me for a new adventure-an adventure that has taken me away from my family, my friends, my support system. Two years ago I was not ready for this adventure-I had to wait. God was preparing my heart and soul to minister with the congregation of Memorial Presbyterian Church.

Right now seems to be a Christmas season in my faith journey. I am able to more fully embrace Emmanuel or God within me. I am grateful for the Advent Season in my life but even more grateful for this new season of joy and light!

Emmanuel!