Our Death and Ressurection

There are moments where we are acutely aware of God's presence within us. We can feel God's energy moving in and around us. We are fully aware of the Spirit's indwelling. These moments are both completely terrifying and completely comforting all at once. When I am most fully aware of God's presence within me I tend to want to try and flea for fear I am not worthy or enough. Yet, I also want to dwell in this moment forever trusting I am enough and I am completely worthy.

The more I am fully aware of God's indwelling the less terrified I am. I think the more we are aware of God's presence within us the more comforting it is. In fact I think this is what it means to be authentic or to be your true self. Our authenticity comes from embracing who God created us to be and thus how God's Spirit shines through us. In order to let the Spirit shine from within us we must peel back the layers of our "shadow self" that formed because of life circumstances and what "the world" told us we should be. Uncovering our authentic self does not happen overnight. It takes time, energy, and work. In reality it might even take a life time because when we peel back one layer another one can form. I guess you could say uncovering your authentic self is a continuous process. It is a process of death and re-birth.

In many ways this process is resurrection process. Yet, unlike Jesus' death and resurrection which only occurred once ours happens daily. Jesus' death and resurrection give us a foundation for our own death and resurrection process. We know that Jesus was afraid and even prayed not to die. He wasn't fully prepared for his death or his resurrection. Yet, in faith he prayed "not my will but yours." We too are afraid to let parts of us die. For these parts of us seems to be foundational to who we are. The may be comforting they may have even served us well for a time. We wonder if I let this part of me die what will take it's place? Or will I know myself with out this part of me? Will others know me after this part of me is "gone"?  Jesus resurrection reminds us that death is not the end and that with death brings renewal and re-bith. Resurrection reminds us that by peeling away the layers of our "shadow self" we are able to be more fully alive and fully present in this world. We are able to have more moments of being acutely aware of God's presence within us. In the end it's about LOVE-the ability to give and receive God's love more freely. And that my friends is very Good News!!

From Shame and Fear to Enoughness and Worthiness

We live in a culture of scarcity, where nothing is ever "enough".  We are told we are not pretty enough, wealthy, spiritual enough,  good enough, creative enough, enough of a parent or partner...insert just about anything. Now you may be thinking, I don't hear those words everywhere, but think about it...most of advertising is telling you you don't have enough or won't be good enough until you buy their product. Shaming behavior, which is prevalent in our cultural, is all about telling others they are not worthy enough. Once you are aware of this issue scarcity in our culture you begin to see it everywhere and you be begin to notice the effect it is having on out society and on your self.

I struggle with not feeling worthy enough. This feeling of not being worthy enough is at the root of my struggles with fear and shame. Somedays these struggles paralyze me to the point of not being able to accomplish task, not taking a risk I would like to take or not being and ultimately not being able to be be my authentic self. Some days are easier than others-somedays (like today) I have the courage to be authentic and speak my truth. Other days I struggle just to make it through the day without spiraling downward into the negative thoughts that seem to be on auto repeat in the depths of my mind.

The Good News is that there is hope for all of us, because EVERYONE struggles with the "not enough" feeling at some point/s during our lives. The Good News is that we are good enough and worthy enough.

"God is the reminder of our divine worthiness."

Brene Brown

God is the reason we are worthy and good enough. We are created in the divine image of God, meaning we are part of God and God lives within each of us. When we deny our worthiness and our enoughness we deny that which is of God. They question then becomes how do we trust and have faith in our worthiness and enoughness?

We start by being grateful. We practice gratitude. We take time each day to intentionally make ourselves aware of what we have and who we are-that for which we are grateful. This may take the form of a gratitude journal, a family practice of sharing what we are grateful for with one another, creating a collage of gratitude or any other way you may intentionally become aware of what you are grateful to God for.

We also show compassion for ourselves and for others. Showing compassion for ourselves is about being gentle with ourselves. We tend to be harder on ourselves for things we do or who we thing we are than we would be on others. Compassion for ourselves means giving ourselves space to make mistake, forgiving ourselves for things we are regret doing, and being intentional gentle with ourselves when our instinct is to tear ourselves apart.

Just practicing gratitude and compassion on a daily basis can transform our fear and shame into courage and joy! 

Questions for reflection:

In what areas of your life do you feel unworthy or not enough?

In what areas of your life to you feel shameful or afraid?

How might you begin to practice gratitude and/or compassion?

Where do you feel joy in your life? 

I'd love to hear YOUR story and/or walk with YOUR on your journey! Please contact me for more information!

MLK Day Reflections and Actions

It's Martin Luther King Jr. Day and frankly I have never really given it much thought. Yes, my grade schools celebrated the day and we learned about MLK's influence on the Civil Rights Movement. We probably did plays, crafts, and sang songs about MLK. It was part of the public school "curriculum". Yet, I was never pushed to think about the impacts on my life. It just hasn't been part of who I am or so I thought.

Even with all the horrific stories in the news about police brutality, racism, and senseless deaths of minorities, my only reaction has been deep sadness and prayer. Frankly, the prayers have been less and less as this past year has unfolded. Not because I don't care but because the events of my personal life needed my attention. Recently, I have wondered should I be doing more? I "watched" as some of my friends joined in peaceful protest, held Facebook conversations and contacted their politicians. I ask myself should I be out protesting, writing letters to politicians, posting on Facebook etc.?

I have come to the conclusion that, no, these are not things I need to be doing at this time. Don't get me wrong they are powerful and important actions and they need to be done. However, they are not true to who I am and how I operate. I am reminded everyday that in order to truly impact the world I need to operate as my authentic self. This means taking actions that are true to my personality. For me this means writing a blog post to share my story and inspire others, lift up these issues in prayer (more often than I have been), showing kindness to other (especially minorities), and befriending those who are different from me.

So on this MLK Day where we are asked to reflect and take action for justice and peace how are you going to be true to yourself? What actions are you going to take to further the Kingdom of God? How are you going provide peace and justice in your family and/or community?

I'd love to hear what you are doing, please share them with me in the comments!

The Strength and Beauty of Weeping Willows

Weeping willows are knows as graceful giants. I have always been drawn to these breath taking trees. As I child I remember enjoying climbing and hiding in their trunks. I had several senior photographs taken under/near a weeping willow.  Now as an adult I am drawn to their gnarled and strong trunks. I am drawn to the drooping limbs that sway effortlessly in the breeze. I am in awe of their ability to stand strong while their roots are plunged into very wet soil and unstable soil.

My admiration for weeping willows stems from my sense that weeping willows speak to us in a powerful way. They challenge us to adapt to our surroundings. Weeping willows grow in wet swampy areas where the soil can be unstable yet we don't usually see them fall down in a wind storm.  This is because the roots of weeping willows grow deep and wide proving an extremely strong base. In fact the roots can grow as deep as the tree is high and spread out up to 40 feet away. As humans we too need to have a strong roots structure so we too can flourish. We need to find ways to uncover, embrace, and nurture our authentic self so we too can stand strong in the storms that come and go.

Weeping willows also challenge us to embrace our whole self. The trunks of the graceful giants are gnarled yet strong. When contrasted with the dramatic ground sweeping branches the effect is breath taking. It wouldn't have the same effect if all we saw were the gnarled trunk or just the branches. If we hide part of ourselves from the world we are not whole. When we are able to embrace and nurture our whole self we too become breath taking. We must embrace both our strength and our beauty for when we do we to can become graceful giants who weather the storms of life and show God's love for this world.

How do you nurture your authentic self? How do you nurture the strength and beauty God created in you?

The Waters of Baptism

The sacrament of Baptism holds a special place in my heart and soul. I have always been drawn to this sacrament. For a long time I thought this connection was due to my love of babies/young children. However, over the past few years I have become aware of a deeper connection to baptism. The symbolism of baptism and especially the symbolism of water draw me in.

Several years ago (actually the summer of 2012) I was taking a walk along a river in Minnesota. At some point along my walk I decided to stop and watch the river go by. I think I was hoping for solace and peace but instead I began pondering the symbolism of water as it relate to baptism. This pondering produced three water/baptism metaphors (and I actually wrote them down in my phone).

1. Water as a journey.  A droplet of water in a river takes a journey through many experiences. This droplet winds around and around as in moves forward. It might journey quietly along and then suddenly it rumbles over rocks that form tumultuous rapids. It might even take a long and hard tumble over a waterfall. It usually ends up in a vast body of water. Each droplet of water is needed even if it seems lost in the millions of other droplets. Baptism marks the beginning of unique journey with God. In many ways the water used in baptism symbolizes the the journey we will take. It will be filled with times of tumult, falling, rising, and peacefulness. Yet, through it all we know we have been claimed by God and that God is with us and within us.
2. Water renewing life. We all know the power of water to renew life. We see it when we have forgotten to water a plant for weeks on end and it look dead but we decide to water it just incase and wala the plant come back to life. We see it in the stark contrast between a lush oasis in the middle of an arid desert. We are acutely aware of this power after taking a sip of precious water after a long hard day in the heat of summer. In baptism we remember and celebrate the renewed life we have in God. We celebrate the that God's healing and transforming love gives us new life each day.
3. Water as cleansing.  We have all experienced getting so dirty possibly covered in so much mud or dirt that we are unrecognizable a first glance. People may treat us differently because we are so dirty. Yet, with a water (and probably some soap!) we become recognizable again. Baptism symbolizes a washing or cleansing of sin. For me this is more about uncovering the layers of dirt that have made us an unrecognizable version of our authentic self. When we remember our baptism we are asked to rediscover our authentic self and strive live into this version of ourselves.

I believe the connecting theme in all of these metaphors is hope. Baptism is about God's love and about hope. We desperately need moments of hope in a world that continues to experience tragedy and suffering. I know deep down in my being that God's love will rise above the suffering and bring hope!

Healing: The Act of Restoration

I have been thinking a lot about healing recently. I believe healing is the act of restoring ones body, mind or spirit to a flourishing condition. In this sate we are able to be our most authentic selves. When we are are most authentic self we are living as the being God created us to be. We live most of our lives in a state of unhealthiness (read not authentic). Physically, we can become sick or injured. Mentally, we can become depressed, lonely, or ashamed of ourselves. Spiritually, we can become wounded and hurt and feel God has abandoned us. All of these states of being keep us from living as God has made us.

I am drawn to the idea of restoring. In the act of restoring we are not changing the essence of who we are. In fact in many cases we are simply uncovering it and letting it shine. In the act of restoring we are doing the hard work of peeling away years of paint that have covered up the true beauty of our soul. We sweep away the dust that has built up over time because of neglect or fatigue. Restoration is a transformative process that begins and ends with God's love. In fact restoration may look like we have changed who we are and in some ways we have. We have changed behaviors, the way we view ourself and the world, and the way we interact with other may look different. God's love always changes us and brings transforms us to our authentic self.

I believe that we all need spaces and times where healing can happen. Congregations need to hold space and time for healing. Some people may experience this in a worship service, others a small group, a Christian Education class, a meeting with a pastor, or even a fellowship event. Some of these times and spaces will just occur but it is my hope that congregations will provide intentional times and spaces for healing and restoration. This may be a class or series of classes on Spiritual Practices, invite someone with essential oil experience to talk about how essential oils can support and promote healing and well-being, provide a yoga class or gather moms together for support and healing. There are so many ways to do this. I pray congregations will embrace this aspect of command to love one another.

If you could find healing for anything-mind, body or soul what would it be? What is your greatest healing story? In what ways have you been restored? How has you congregation held intentional space and time for healing?

My Spiritual Direction Experience

One of the most life altering decisions I ever made was to meet with a Spiritual Director.  I was at a point in my life where I felt "stuck" and was feeling far from God. I was working as a Director of Christian Education and kept telling myself that I should be more spiritual and should feel closer to God. I expected that in meeting with a Spiritual Director I would be given spiritual practices to do and maybe talk some about my life. I thought this would be the answer.

Then I started meeting with the Rev. Anita Cummings and my expectations about what spiritual direction was were turned upside down. Sessions with Anita were a mixture of prayer, conversation, visualization, energy/chakra work, and stretching. I fell in love with this integrative approach. Anita, challenged me to begin the healing process-I call it "soul work." This process is about healing the mind and soul but also about uncovering your "hidden treasures." In the end it is about uncovering your and renewing ones relationship with ones authentic self.

As the sessions continued I found I was drawn to the the energy/chakra work and the stretching. It was during this part of my session that I experienced the most overall healing. I found I myself more aware and fully present to my mind, body and spirit. Sometimes healing came in the form of letting go, sometimes in the form more courage, sometimes relaxation, and sometimes a true "aha" moment.

I truly believe that if I had not began spiritual direction with Anita I would still paralyzed with brokenness, fear and shame. I would still be seeking God in all the "wrong" places and I would be a very dark shadow of my authentic self.

Where have you found healing? Who is your spiritual director or guide?

Tell me about your experience with spiritual direction. What is/was it like? What do/did you do? How has it changed you?

Just Say "Yes"

One of my yoga instructors told me one day that I "needed to start saying YES to everything" and that it would "change my life". While I haven't taken his advice to the extreme, meaning I don't say yet to everything, it has made me stop to think about my decisions. I stop and ask myself why am I saying yes, no, or not now.

This past weekend I spend a wonderful afternoon with some friends at their home on the lake. This day I said YES to doing two things I hadn't even occurred to me to do this weekend. I went tubing for the first time in 20 years and I went on a jet ski for the first time ever. During both of these activities I dropped the masks I'd been wearing and was truly myself. I let myself just be and truly enjoyed the experience. I did't worry about what others would think of my decisions or my actions. Actually I was really in my element in/on the water (I think there must be something me being a Pieces!).

In this instance saying YES reminded me of parts of myself I had forgotten or pushed away because it was not something "we did" or it was something only "other people did." I was reminded that to be your authentic self is to feel alive and free. That is how I felt as I sped along the water this weekend. I am committed to spending more time in/on the water because I want to feel alive and free more often!

God created us to be alive and free in body, mind and spirit. When do you feel most authentic or alive? What makes you feel alive? Go and do it-you won't regret it!

Living in the Shadows

When we look at a shadow we are seeing only an outline of the actual item. Depending on how the light is cast the shadow of an item can be very skewed and very different from the what the item actually looks like.   When we look only at a shadow we only see what is projected. We don't see the actual or true item.  

Most of us live most of our lives projecting and living in a shadow of our authentic self. As I stated in a previous post I believe our authentic or true self the "self" God intended and created us to be. It is the unwounded, unhurt, and innocent self.  As we live life we become wounded, broken, and afraid. As children we learn to protect ourselves from negative experiences. We build walls, we create masks, and we just tend to forget our authentic self. We forget who God created us to be. We forget we are worthy of love and belonging be cause we are a child of God.

I think there comes a time in our lives when we long to rediscover our authentic self. We need to begin to peel back the layers of fear, woundedness, broken, and shame that have provided the shadow image we see and project. Rediscovering our authentic self is a long and difficult process. There are many avenues, tools, and ways of self discovery. 

What are some tools and avenues you have found to be effective in discovering your authentic self?