Friday Photographs-Remembering My Baptism

"I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen"

On June 12, 1977 I was baptized surround by God's love in the form of my family and the Congregation of Westminster Presbyterian Church.

This beautiful baptismal bowl adorns the sanctuary at Memorial Presbyterian Church where I serve as Director of Christian Education. It represents the my journey-at times overwhelmed with fear, shame, and anger, healing and transformation 

and shimmers of gold or light.

"Amusement Park" Church

Yesterday, I went out for a walk and was compelled to check out this "mega church" not far from my apartment complex. I have always been fascinated with "mega churches". I personally don't see their allure but the reality is that a lot of people do…or at least they are initially drawn to them. I knew from the onset that the building was large-you can see it from the highway. I also knew they have a staff of over 50. I always wondered what they used all that space for.  As I walked around the building it became very clear…they have a sports complex and a children's ministry area called Discovery Land that looks like an amusement park playground. 

As I continued to walk around the building I kept thinking this is like an amusement park with different "lands"! Who has a full blown fitness center and gymnasium in their church building? Apparently, they do! My next thought was that maybe this was one of their outreach ministries and the public could use it for free. Nope! Turns out it cost $35 per year for an individual membership. Yes, they do have a sports ministry but from what I could tell (from their website) they were not necessarily serving the poor or underprivileged. 

All this got me thinking about what does a particular church say about itself by the building they are in, the ministries offer, or the even the size they are? A conversation, with the Ministry Architects consultant Memorial Presbyterian Church (MPC), challenged me to think about the niche that MPC educational ministry fills in this community. How are we leaning into our mission to "Live and Learn God's Word"? In our Educational Ministry do we focus more on "attracting" new "members" with our "amazing" programs or great space - or is our focus building relationships, meeting people where they are on the faith journey, and equipping members to be the hands and feet of Christ in the community? 

It occurs to me that maybe the future of educational ministry is a balancing act between excelling at creating meaningful opportunities for spiritual growth and equipping disciples to "live God's Word" in the community. This will obviously look different for every congregation - even the "mega churches". What does it look like for MPC? Well that is what we are working on discerning and discovering? What does it look like in your context?

So, do you agree? What am I missing? What do you have to add to the "conversation"?

Living and Leaning Into My Leadership Role

For as long as I can remember in my adult life and especially in my call as a Christian Educator I have questioned and doubted my skills in leadership. These doubts have been fueled by the criticisms of others in "authority".  In reality I have doubted lot about myself which has led to a lack of self confidence and this has translated into a lack of confidence in my role as a leader.

As you might recall I recently (about 9 months ago) I began a new call as the Director of Christian Education at Memorial Presbyterian Church. I was so excited to start a fresh after much "soul" and shame work. I felt confident! From the time I completed my onsite interview I knew this was where God was calling me and I trusted God would provide. I felt like I could take on the world…or at least the Educational Ministry of MPC!

I knew that honing and owning my leadership skill was something I wanted to embrace in this new call. My new colleague, Mike and I had discussed this in my initial interviews and I   was convinced he would challenge and support me in the endeavor (he has and he is!).  I thought living into my leadership role at MPC would just happen, I thought it would be easy…well trust me it didn't and it hasn't!

The past nine months have been a roller - coster in the leadership department. There have been some high highs and some low lows. There have been times when leadership seems natural and easy-I feel like I was a leader. Then there were the times I was was leading but rather managing and that I needed to "step it up". That hit hard…I thought I was leading…doubt crept in and I began searching, praying, and reaching out.

I began to seriously ponder leadership-What was I missing? What was my leadership style? Did I really have leadership skills? What next?

Hope was not lost-I was receiving little whispers from God (in the form of those "silly" Facebook quizzes and encouragement from trusted friends and colleagues) that I do have the skills necessary for effective leadership. I feel like I'm still discovering and naming theses skills for myself. 

It has occurred to me that maybe living and leaning into my leadership role is really about I trusting myself!

(I would love to hear you thoughts on the concept of leadership and specifically my how I can become a more effective leader.)

Advent Day 20-Good News

"Good News"

I feel like Christmas came in July this year…

This was REALLY good news!

Advent Day 15-Rejoice

"Rejoice"

Children are so good at rejoicing with music…we can learn from them…

Advent Day 8-Wisdom

"Wisdom"…

awareness of Emanuel-God within us!

Emmanuel-God Within Me

The beginning of Advent is just over a week away and I have been thinking about waiting and preparing. The purpose of Advent is to prepare for Emmanuel or God with us. I feel like I have just come out of a long period of Advent in my faith journey. Since I left my previous position in Hudson, WI over two years ago I had been preparing and waiting for my next call. My experience in Hudson proved to be a turning point in my faith journey. 

The experience propelled me to do some serious "soul work".  I yearned to feel God's presence and I yearned to feel worthy. It turns our what I really needed was to recover Emmanuel within myself. I embarked on a journey of peeling away the layers of shame and fear that hid my true soul, my authentic self-that hid Emmanuel. In the beginning I believed this uncovering would be easy-just learning skills to make the shame and fear go away. It turns out it was a painful process because healing means wading through the messiness of shame and fear and coming out on the other side. It meant learning what triggers my feelings of shame and fear, it meant lots of crying, and it meant lots of hard work.

What I discovered was that under all the shame and fear God was  present within me. God was working in me. God's healing love was transforming the dark wounds of shame and fear into light. The light revealed gifts of worthiness, leadership, compassion, confidence, hope, and joy. I also discovered that God was preparing me for a new adventure-an adventure that has taken me away from my family, my friends, my support system. Two years ago I was not ready for this adventure-I had to wait. God was preparing my heart and soul to minister with the congregation of Memorial Presbyterian Church.

Right now seems to be a Christmas season in my faith journey. I am able to more fully embrace Emmanuel or God within me. I am grateful for the Advent Season in my life but even more grateful for this new season of joy and light!

Emmanuel!

Back in the Saddle

Today I led staff devotions in my new congregation Memorial Presbyterian Church. My devotion was a reading from a book by the former Senior Pastor at my home congregation Westminster Presbyterian Church, Rev. Don Miesel. The reading was about balance and how vital balance is to ones faith journey. At first I could not figure out why I was drawn to this reading. Then it dawned on me-I've been feeling unbalanced. Since moving to Appleton and starting this new call a majority of my life has revolved around the church and the people in church. It occurred to me that maybe God is reminding me to find and/or rediscover other outlets for my time and energy. What else am I passionate about? What else to I enjoy doing?

As I've pondered this today amongst the work of my call I realize I miss writing and blogging (it has been over 6 months since I posted last), I miss my photography, I miss crocheting, and I miss reading! I am reminded that I am more than my job and God has given me gifts, skills, and passions that also make me who I am.

I was also reminded that taking a break from blogging, photography, reading, crocheting was necessary to focus my energy on my job search and the "soul and shame work" that I need to do in order to be where I am now. Granting my self grace to do what I needed to do and not what I thought I "should" be doing has given me freedom to be more authentic and true to myself.

Thus I'm ready to be "back in the saddle"-sharing my musings and my photographs.