Community: Places of Love and Belonging

I am back from a couple week hiatus while I focused on moving back to Minnesota. Yesterday, began reflecting on the importance of community. It all started with a "return" to worship at my home congregation of Westminster Presbyterian Church. I was baptized and confirmed in this congregation. I am a true "child of the congregations". Yet, I've been mostly inactive of the past 15 years. As I walked down the halls of the church before worship I was greeted warmly by many individuals who know me. I was greeted with an abundance of hugs and questions about what I was doing and how I was. These greetings continued after worship including a wonderful surprise visit with a friend from youth group days who I'd not seen in probably 20 years! I felt so loved as I walked through that building interacting with this community.

Community is a place where you feel you are "worthy of love and belonging" (Brene Brown).  When you feel loved by the individual members of a community you also feel like you belong to that community. Community's love you for who you are each time you enter that community. They encourage you to grow, to heal, and to build relationships within the community.

After I lost my Christian Education job I felt lost and in desperate need of community. I was living in a "new" state where my primary community had been the congregation I was working with. I was in desperate need of healing, love, and a place to belong. Through a friend and colleague, Gina Struensee, I was introduced to two communities that embodied what community should be. First, the more obvious community I entered into relationship with was First Presbyterian Church in Neenah, WI and more specifically their knitting group. The knitting group welcomed me with open arms and nourished me through their kindness and interest in me as person. I was by far the youngest member of the group yet I was always greeted with enthusiasm and authenticity. The congregation itself also welcomed me, provided space and time for healing, and allowed me to use some of my gifts to give back to this community. Within this community I felt God's love surround me and give me courage and hope for healing and renewed life.

The second community that embodied what community should be was at first a bit surprising to me. I began attending yoga classes at The Flow Yoga & Wellness for the health benefits. I expected it to be just a place to attend yoga classes. As you might expect it turned out to be quite a different experience. I began to build relationships with the owner, instructors, and other yogis. The instructors took an interest in who I was as a whole person. Not only did the they know my story they also took an interest in helping me heal and move forward. They challenged me both on and off my mat. I began to feel a camaraderie with my fellow yogis as we had breakthroughs on our mat and when we fell "off" our mat. This community became the true embodiment of what it means to feel "worthy of love and belonging."

It is my hope that each of you reading this post has a community (or two or three) the embody true community. You have a place that where you can heal, grow, belong and experience God's love for YOU! Please share in the comments a story about community and how it impacts/ed you.

Reflections on Hope

Yesterday was the first Sunday in Advent, the beginning of the churches New Year, and a the beginning of a season of preparation to welcome once again the baby Jesus into our midst. I think it is very fitting that the first candle we light on the Advent wreath is the candle of hope. The dictionary definition of hope that I think best fits Advent is "the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best." When we hope for something we want it to turn out for the best. The catch is that what we think is "best" may not be what God knows is best for us or for a situation. A prime example is Jesus' death. His followers hoped he would not be crucified and would not die. Yet, God knew that what was best for them, for humanity, was for Jesus to die and rise again.

We all need hope. We all need to know that things will turn out for the best. What does hope look like? For some it may be that glimmer of light at the end of a very dark and scary tunnel that reminds them that this darkness will not overcome us, will not last forever, and things will get better. For some it might be a hug or a smile from a friend or even a stranger that reminds them that they are loved. For others it might be the courage to step out in faith on a new adventure reassured that God will walk with them every step of the way. Hope can take many forms. 

There is a Young Living essential oil called "Hope". In the description of this oil it says that "Hope™ helps you reconnect with feelings of strength and grounding, restoring hope for tomorrow. " This idea of hope really resonates with me. When we have hope, if even for a moment, we have reconnected with our own strength and we become more grounded. We might only feel this strength for a moment if life is really difficult yet each time we feel it, it becomes more familiar. It is kind of like muscle memory. The more we use a muscle in a certain way the easier it become to move in a certain way. It becomes second nature. I think the more we embrace our strength and courage the more grounded we become. The more grounded we become the more we "open" we are to the "joys that lie ahead."

During this season of Advent, may you embrace hope and rediscover the joy that lies ahead embodied in the birth of Jesus Christ.

Spiritual Practice-Gratitude Journaling

I decided to jump on the Thanksgiving bandwagon and write a post about thankfulness or in this case gratefulness. Now don't get me wrong it's not that I'm not thankful or grateful but this year I don't feel the need to broadcast these things on Facebook or social media. In fact this post isn't going to focus on what I'm thankful. However, I do want to take this time to say THANK YOU to YOU the readers of this blog! I am grateful that you take the time to read, ponder, and respond to what I write. It gives me courage and inspires me to continue this blogging journey.

Okay so back to the main purpose of this post. I have a spiritual practice of gratefulness. I try to each day to be intentional about naming the things I'm grateful for. Some days I just take a few minutes to name them in my head. Other days I write them down as part of my pray journaling practice. Some days I even post them on Facebook or Instagram. This practice is usually just a list of people, things or events. In the past few days I have to feel the need to reflect on my gratitude on deeper level. I have felt the need to challenge myself to not only name what I'm grateful for but also to put into words why I am grateful that particular day for that person, place, item or event. This might include reflecting on how this positively impacted me or where/how I experienced God's love. This will take more time than just making a list. Yet, I believe it will open up my heart and soul for glimpses of God's healing and transforming love.

For Advent I am going to commit to putting this into practice by keeping a gratitude journal. Each day not only will I name what I'm grateful for but will reflect and write down why I'm grateful for the things I name. I also commit to reflecting on this experience in a blog post after Christmas.

So who wants to join me in this gratitude challenge? I would love to have others along on this journey with me and to hear what you noticed about yourself while engaging in this spiritual practice.

Here are some question to ponder as you reflect on the "why":

• How did this person, event, or thing positively effect my life today?
• How am I different because of this?
• How did I experience God's healing and transforming love today?
• What about the person, event, or thing made me feel grateful?

Who's with me?!

The Strength and Beauty of Weeping Willows

Weeping willows are knows as graceful giants. I have always been drawn to these breath taking trees. As I child I remember enjoying climbing and hiding in their trunks. I had several senior photographs taken under/near a weeping willow.  Now as an adult I am drawn to their gnarled and strong trunks. I am drawn to the drooping limbs that sway effortlessly in the breeze. I am in awe of their ability to stand strong while their roots are plunged into very wet soil and unstable soil.

My admiration for weeping willows stems from my sense that weeping willows speak to us in a powerful way. They challenge us to adapt to our surroundings. Weeping willows grow in wet swampy areas where the soil can be unstable yet we don't usually see them fall down in a wind storm.  This is because the roots of weeping willows grow deep and wide proving an extremely strong base. In fact the roots can grow as deep as the tree is high and spread out up to 40 feet away. As humans we too need to have a strong roots structure so we too can flourish. We need to find ways to uncover, embrace, and nurture our authentic self so we too can stand strong in the storms that come and go.

Weeping willows also challenge us to embrace our whole self. The trunks of the graceful giants are gnarled yet strong. When contrasted with the dramatic ground sweeping branches the effect is breath taking. It wouldn't have the same effect if all we saw were the gnarled trunk or just the branches. If we hide part of ourselves from the world we are not whole. When we are able to embrace and nurture our whole self we too become breath taking. We must embrace both our strength and our beauty for when we do we to can become graceful giants who weather the storms of life and show God's love for this world.

How do you nurture your authentic self? How do you nurture the strength and beauty God created in you?

Friday Photographs-Contentment

“At some point, you gotta let go, and sit still, and allow contentment to come to you.” 
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

This is the view from the place where I am able to embody this quote. This is the view from my family's vacation home in Door County, WI. On this particular fall morning the light was magically dancing off the trees and water. It was beautiful.

Where can you embody this quote?

The Waters of Baptism

The sacrament of Baptism holds a special place in my heart and soul. I have always been drawn to this sacrament. For a long time I thought this connection was due to my love of babies/young children. However, over the past few years I have become aware of a deeper connection to baptism. The symbolism of baptism and especially the symbolism of water draw me in.

Several years ago (actually the summer of 2012) I was taking a walk along a river in Minnesota. At some point along my walk I decided to stop and watch the river go by. I think I was hoping for solace and peace but instead I began pondering the symbolism of water as it relate to baptism. This pondering produced three water/baptism metaphors (and I actually wrote them down in my phone).

1. Water as a journey.  A droplet of water in a river takes a journey through many experiences. This droplet winds around and around as in moves forward. It might journey quietly along and then suddenly it rumbles over rocks that form tumultuous rapids. It might even take a long and hard tumble over a waterfall. It usually ends up in a vast body of water. Each droplet of water is needed even if it seems lost in the millions of other droplets. Baptism marks the beginning of unique journey with God. In many ways the water used in baptism symbolizes the the journey we will take. It will be filled with times of tumult, falling, rising, and peacefulness. Yet, through it all we know we have been claimed by God and that God is with us and within us.
2. Water renewing life. We all know the power of water to renew life. We see it when we have forgotten to water a plant for weeks on end and it look dead but we decide to water it just incase and wala the plant come back to life. We see it in the stark contrast between a lush oasis in the middle of an arid desert. We are acutely aware of this power after taking a sip of precious water after a long hard day in the heat of summer. In baptism we remember and celebrate the renewed life we have in God. We celebrate the that God's healing and transforming love gives us new life each day.
3. Water as cleansing.  We have all experienced getting so dirty possibly covered in so much mud or dirt that we are unrecognizable a first glance. People may treat us differently because we are so dirty. Yet, with a water (and probably some soap!) we become recognizable again. Baptism symbolizes a washing or cleansing of sin. For me this is more about uncovering the layers of dirt that have made us an unrecognizable version of our authentic self. When we remember our baptism we are asked to rediscover our authentic self and strive live into this version of ourselves.

I believe the connecting theme in all of these metaphors is hope. Baptism is about God's love and about hope. We desperately need moments of hope in a world that continues to experience tragedy and suffering. I know deep down in my being that God's love will rise above the suffering and bring hope!

Friday Photographs: Visio Divina

Breathe in, breathe out.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Invite God into this time of prayer & meditation.

Gaze prayerfully at this photo...

...let your thoughts and feelings sit with you for a while.

What do you see?

What are you feeling?

What might God be saying to you through this photograph?

Say a work of thanks to God for this time! 

Healing: The Act of Restoration

I have been thinking a lot about healing recently. I believe healing is the act of restoring ones body, mind or spirit to a flourishing condition. In this sate we are able to be our most authentic selves. When we are are most authentic self we are living as the being God created us to be. We live most of our lives in a state of unhealthiness (read not authentic). Physically, we can become sick or injured. Mentally, we can become depressed, lonely, or ashamed of ourselves. Spiritually, we can become wounded and hurt and feel God has abandoned us. All of these states of being keep us from living as God has made us.

I am drawn to the idea of restoring. In the act of restoring we are not changing the essence of who we are. In fact in many cases we are simply uncovering it and letting it shine. In the act of restoring we are doing the hard work of peeling away years of paint that have covered up the true beauty of our soul. We sweep away the dust that has built up over time because of neglect or fatigue. Restoration is a transformative process that begins and ends with God's love. In fact restoration may look like we have changed who we are and in some ways we have. We have changed behaviors, the way we view ourself and the world, and the way we interact with other may look different. God's love always changes us and brings transforms us to our authentic self.

I believe that we all need spaces and times where healing can happen. Congregations need to hold space and time for healing. Some people may experience this in a worship service, others a small group, a Christian Education class, a meeting with a pastor, or even a fellowship event. Some of these times and spaces will just occur but it is my hope that congregations will provide intentional times and spaces for healing and restoration. This may be a class or series of classes on Spiritual Practices, invite someone with essential oil experience to talk about how essential oils can support and promote healing and well-being, provide a yoga class or gather moms together for support and healing. There are so many ways to do this. I pray congregations will embrace this aspect of command to love one another.

If you could find healing for anything-mind, body or soul what would it be? What is your greatest healing story? In what ways have you been restored? How has you congregation held intentional space and time for healing?

Capturing the Beauty Amongst the Chaos

According to my parents I have always loved to be outside and to create things. This is most likely why I find outdoor photography such a spiritual experience. It is one way God enters my soul -  grounding and transforming me. I find that if I go out into nature on photography walk I not only come back with some great shots but I come back more alive and in tune with myself and with God, for I have glimpsed (even captured) the beauty of God's creation in the chaos of this world.

If you look though my photographs either on this blog or other places they have been "displayed" you will notice that a majority of them are close up of objects with the exception of my sunset photographs. I was told once that the type of photography (close up vs. non close up) tells a lot about how you see/view the world. Thus, I think my photography reflects how I perceive the world and reveals something about how I relate to the world. If you know me well you know I am a very detail oriented person. I tend to focus on small aspects of a situation or project, sometimes forgetting to look at the larger picture. I like to hone into the the details because I believe they are often overlooked as an important aspect of a situation or project. The details reveal much about the whole. They can be messy as well as beautiful. Without the details there is no whole.

In my photography I love to look for the the beautiful in the chaos. I love to hone into one small part of a larger landscape and capture its beauty. In a world full of chaos we need to find ways to hone into the small aspects of our lives that give us joy, laughter, and beauty. I believe this is one ways God enters into our soul in the midst of chaos, struggle, or hopelessness. This is is what transforming love looks like.

One aspect of my passion and purpose is to hold space for individuals to catch a glimpse of beauty, joy and laughter. It is in this space that healing and wholeness can be experienced. I am honored to walk this journey with others through my photography, my future career as well as other times and places where this can occur.

What are your favorite types of photographs to look at? To ponder? What types of photographs make you cringe?

(So you might have been expecting some photographs...well this post was not about the photographs themselves but rather a written reflection on photography.)

Mandala-A Spiritual Practice of Coloring

Recently I have been reacquainting myself with different spiritual practices that I either learned about in seminary and/or found to be effective for me at one time. For the past couple of weeks I have been doing a spiritual practice called Praying in Color (I wrote about it in a previous post). While I have found this practice to be very grounding and effective this morning I knew I needed something different. My soul was telling me that I needed to think less about what I was doing with my hands and let my mind just wander a bit. This was a perfect opportunity to engage in a spiritual practice using a Mandala!

Mandalas are an ancient practice that are used in many religious traditions, including Christianity. The word "mandala" means "circle" in Indian language of Sanskrit. Traditionally, mandalas are designs that have a center and are based on circle.

However, some modern mandalas designs are not circular in nature (like the one below).

No matter what the design is there are two consistent aspects of mandalas. One it that they made up of geometric patters and second that you color these designs. It is the act of coloring that is the real spiritual practice. Coloring lets your mind go into a different mode of being. As you color you begin to relax both physically and mentally allowing your mind to stay more present with God. This doesn't mean that your thoughts won't wander to your to do list (as mine did more than once today) or that you won't begin to feel stressed about something in your life (that happened to me too). Rather it allows you to let those thoughts and feelings come, sit for a moment (hopefully only a moment), let them go, and then refocus your attention on God.

Today's practice was difficult for several of the reasons mentioned above. I kept wanting to quit so I could get on with my day and my long "to-do list." Yet, I kept hearing the Spirit say, "Stay with me a little longer." I realized I need to MAKE time to sit with God, just be present, and let God's love seep into to my soul as I color. I didn't "finish" coloring the mandala today and that's okay. I am actually looking forward to "finishing" it tomorrow and seeing what I experience and feel.

Have you engaged the spiritual practice of mandalas? If so, share you experience in the comments other (including myself!) can learn and grow from your story? If you are interested in learning more about this practice please contact me! I'd love to talk with you about it. Happy coloring!

Friday Photographs-Psalm 18:2

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer,
    my God, my rock in whom I take refuge,
    my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."

~Psalm 18:2

Finding Balance in My Life

Recently I've been feeling the need for more balance in my life. Over the past 6 months or so I have been focusing a lot on my health and career. Focusing on these two aspects of my life has been necessary but I was beginning to feel just a bit off. I couldn't pin point what I was feeling. None of my previous notions of what it could be fit. It was a bit disconcerting. One day it hit me-balance! I realized that in focusing on my health and my career I had pushed aside other areas of my life.

I recently "stumbled" on a concept that has really helped me better understand what it means to have a balanced life. Oola Life is a way of life the strives to balance 7 areas of ones life. Oola is a noun meaning a "state of awesomeness." They call these key areas the 7 F's: Faith, Family, Fitness, Field, Finance, Friends and Fun. This seems like pretty comprehensive. While I have just begun to dig into and learn about this idea of Oola Life I wanted to share with you all a short overview of each of the 7 F's.

Faith: The focus here is on gratitude, humility and our greater purpose in the world. Our beliefs about God and our Spiritual Practice would fit into this category.

Family: This includes everything related to your family. It is about your relationship with those in your family and how you interact with them.

Fitness: The focus here is on your health and wellness with a primary focus on "how you use your body and what you put into your body."

Field: This is your career what every that is at this moment; including students and stay a home parents.

Finance: Everything related to your person finance.

Friends: This is your social life including close friends and acquaintances.

Fun: "Explores your personal passion in life." This is about what you enjoy doing and really want to do for fun.

There is so much more to learn and explore about the Oola Life. You can find more information about  and use some cool interactive tools at there website www.oolalife.com. I encourage you to check it out and begin your Oola Life journey.

As I learn more about Oola Life and each of the 7 F's I will share with you my insights and experiences. I am excited about the ways this will help keep me be more balanced and authentic!

Healing Not Controlling

This past Friday I posted the following quote as part of Friday Photographs. "Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives." I love what this quote implies about healing and it's effect on our lives. When we are hurt emotionally or spiritually it controls our lives. The wound is all we can think about. We talk about it, we think about it, we dream about it and we worry about it.

This was the case when I broke my foot 8 years ago. My broken foot "controlled" everything thing I did and thought about. There were certain things I couldn't do because I was on crutches. I was always thinking about my next move and if my "wound" would effect it. How was I going to open the door with grocery bags in my hand? How was I going to get up and not put weight on my foot. However, as my foot began to heal I thought less and less about how it affected my everyday life. I  could walk around and not worry about falling or stepping funny. My foot is fully healed yet there are days I am aware this wound existed but it doesn't control my life.

Just as with the feeling of my foot, as emotional and spiritual wounds begin to heal we see a transformation. We begin to notice that we are not talking, thinking, dreaming, or worrying about the wound. The wounds no longer paralyze us from taking action. When a wound has transformed from living with it to telling about it healing has begun. It becomes part of our lived story rather than our life. 

Telling the story of our woundedness is proof that the damage existed. I believe sharing our stories of woundedness it a way that we can help others in their journey toward wholeness. Our stories remind others that they are not alone and that they can also heal from their wounds. My hope is that I can use my stories of woundedness, shame and fear as one tool to hold space for healing and wholeness. 

I want YOU to experience this quote as I have. I want to help YOU do so. What are some ways that you find healing from your wounds? What tools or support would you like to have to assist you in your emotional and/or spiritual healing? 

Friday Photographs-Healing

"Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. 

It means the damage no longer controls our lives."

Holding Space for Healing and Wholeness

As I have look back on my years in educational ministry I realized that I have always been drawn toward experiences that create and hold space for worship, prayer, noticing, healing and listening. I seem to come alive when I can create and plan experiences that allow individuals to notice and listen for the ways God's love is present in and around them. I want to be able to hold space and time for healing of mind, body and spirit. I want to come alongside people as they journey toward wholeness.

Part of my current journey and discernment is exploring what "holding space and time for healing of mind, body and spirit" looks like. This can take so many forms. I have so many things that interest and intrigue me from the use of essential oils to spiritual practices to massage to yoga to chakra/energy work...the list goes on. Somedays I think I see clearly what this looks like but many days it looks like a heavy fog has set in and I can only see rough outlines of what is ahead. On the one hand this is discouraging because feel like I should be able to see clearly and know what I want to "be when I grow up." On the other hand having so many possibilities and avenues gives me the opportunity to explore and really hone into to my particular niche and calling.

I am reminded that we do not discern alone but in community. So today I ask for two things. First I ask for your prayers. Second I ask that you take a moment to think about what you know about me (my gifts, skills, passions, personality etc.), what I have said above and let me know what direction you see God calling me. You can message me or put your thoughts in the comments. Thank you!

I also challenge you to think about spaces and places of healing you can hold for others.

Love - It Changes Everything

One of the instructors at the yoga studio I go to tells us every class that we are "entities of love" (or today the phrase was "points of love"). He challenges us to "give that love away" because it "will change the world." Despite being a Christian I forget about love. I get so caught up in my own anxiety or get in my own head. I forget that I am worthy of love and belonging. I forget that God loves each of us unconditionally. We all need to be reminded of this daily if not multiple times a day!

Today I was struck by the phrase "give that love away." It can seem like a huge task to show love to each person we come into contact with every day. How do I show love to that customer who I know nothing about? How do I show love to the child who has been overly crabby all day? How do I show love to the co-worker who just treated me with disrespect? How do I show love to my fellow church member who is acting out in a meeting? How do I show love to my best friend in her greatest time of need?

The more I thought about doing this the more I realized it doesn't have to be overwhelming. You don't need to say just the right thing or do something extravagant. It is really about the small but intentional ways you show love. It might be a genuine smile, taking the time to listen to one more story, rising above the disrespect, saying a small word of encouragement, giving a high five or a hug, or even just holding open the door for someone. It is about taking that extra moment and being intentional about your act of love. It is about making that act of love personal and situational. You might only have a split second to act so make it count.

I challenge you to take one day this week and focus on showing love to each and every person you come into contact with that day. Notice how it changes you. Notice how it changes the people around you. Notice how God works through you. Notice how this makes you feel. Notice you ARE changing the world with each act of love!

(Oh and report back...I'd love to hear your stories and experiences!!)

Friday Photographs-Water for Thirsty

"Not only the thirsty seek the water,

the water as well seeks the thirsty."

~Rumi

Where do you quench your thirst? Who gives you life giving water? Have you had an experience of "water...seek[ing] the thirsty"?

The Anti-Bullying Scarf

For the past week I have been crocheting my first anti-bullying scarf for the Oshkosh, WI school district. The anti-bullying scarves are given to 5th graders who pledge not to bully and to report any bullying the witness. This year they are giving out over 400 scarves. I am told the children wear the scarves with honor and that younger children look up to them and are anxious to receive their own when they finally become 5th grade students.

Bullying is a subject that hits very close to home for me. Throughout much of my upper elementary, middle, and high school years I was teased and picked on. I'm not sure I would go so far as to say I was bullied for it was not as severe as the stories I hear today. My experiences of being teased and picked on has had a lasting impact on me. It has impacted my self confidence, my sense of self worth, my ability to authentically express myself. Healing from the woundedness that occurred is a slow yet beautiful process as I uncover layers of myself I had covered and all but forgotten.

The other day as I was working on this scarf I found myself reflecting on my experiences. With each stitch I found myself reliving the memories of my "bullying" experiences. At first this was all I could think about. However, as I crocheted on my memories transformed into prayers. A prayer that this scarf may prevent someone from having to have a similar experience (or worse) to mine. A prayer that the the child who receives this scarf will find the confidence to be authentic, the courage to stand up to bullying, and the heart to befriend the friendless. A prayer of love and peace for all who are impacted by this scarf and this scarf "ministry."

This is something that I can do to have a positive impact this tragic epidemic in our society. What are you doing? What can you do? How can you contribute, big or small, to positively impact the life of a child?

Praying in Color and Embracing Change

In the past year I have been challenged to embrace change with vulnerability, courage, and self acceptance. This has not been any easy task. In fact some days I would rather just stick my head in a hole and not resurface until it's all over. However, I know this is really not the best or most effective way to live one's life even if life has thrown you a huge curve ball. So instead I have been searching for ways to "rise strong" (Rising Strong is the title of Brene Brown's newest book) and show up every moment of every day. A few of the ways I have been doing this is through regular yoga practice, reaching out to friends and professionals for support and healing, and more recently reintroducing regular prayer practices into my daily routine.

For the past week I have been digging into to my creative heart and my need to work with my hands and "trying out" a prayer practice called Praying in Color. Praying in Color uses the concepts of doodling and coloring as tools for a more "active, meditative, playful prayer practice" (Praying in Color pg. 5). You can pray for others, for you self, or even pray through scripture.

As you can see my prayer focus has been self centered (in a positive way). My need to embrace change within myself and my situation has dictated my praying in color practice thus far. It has allowed me to take time to listen for God, ask questions of God and myself, and seek answers about who I am and where I am on the this journey we call life.

This practice is constantly changing (as you can tell from the two photographs). No two prayers are alike.

Praying in Color allows my brain to focus and wander simultaneously. It also gives me a safe time and outlet to lean in to and really feel my emotions. For example today while I was doodling "embrace fear" not only did I notice the fear bubbling up from within but I was able to doodle and color the emotion as I was feeling it. I authentically felt it but it didn't have the power to paralyze me. I believe  this is what the God means in the verse "Do not be afraid."

This is an ever evolving prayer practice and I am excited to see where it will take me next.

Does this practice intrigue you? Would you like to learn more about it? If so, click on the link above or click right here.  Or contact me and we can chat about it-I'd love to help you begin!

Friday Photographs-Shifting Perspectives

"All spiritual practice is the art of shifting perspectives."

~Teal Swan

The Impact of Joyce

In the next few days Joyce will be taken off life support after complications during an an emergency surgery, she was 80 years old. I've only known Joyce for about 9 months but she had an impact on me. I first met Joyce when I attended the knitting/crocheting group at the church I attend here in the Fox Cities. Ever since that first meeting she always made a point to speak to me on Sunday mornings as well as during knitting/crocheting group. Her small acts of hospitality and kindness kept me coming back tot this group.

Today was knitting/crocheting group day and I witnessed the impact Joyce had on the members of this group. As we prayed for Joyce and her family tears flowed from just about everyone in the room. Joyce will probably never know the ways in which she was a vessel of God's love and grace. She will probably never know how many people her gentle and kind spirit touched. She will never know how much I appreciated her kindness because I never told her.

Remember we are all vessels of light and love. We may never know how much we impact another person. I am challenged by Joyce's life to be more intentional about my actions so that they may reflect God's love and grace to all I come into contact with.

Friday Photographs-Find Rest

"Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

Matthew 11:28-29

Reflections of Light and Love

While I was viewing and photographing the lunar eclipse the other night I began to ponder the idea of light. When I was very young I believed that the moon produced it's own light like the sun did. Of course at some point I learned that the light we observe from the moon is actually just a reflection of light from the sun.

As I was viewing the eclipse it hit me-humans like the moon are only reflections of God's light and love. While God's light and love live with in us we are not producers of this light and love. God has entrusted us to be reflections of this light and love by embedding it within us. With out God there is no love or light to reflect.

Just like the during a lunar eclipse the light reflected by the mood seems to disappear as the earth obstructs the light, there are times when the light in us seems to go out. The brokenness, suffering and sin of the world can block out our reflection of God's light and love. It is during these times that we tend to forget we are not creators of light and love-God is. God's light and love are always within us that is good news!

We know the darkness of the lunar eclipse is only temporary and that the moon will once again reflect the sun light. This is also true of the darkness that evades our lives. It is temporary and we can have faith that we will again reflect God's light and love. We must keep moving forward during the times of darkness. We must be on the look out for that first glimmer of light reappearing within our heart and soul and when we glimpse it we can celebrate knowing that we are more fully reflecting God's amazing healing and transforming light and love!

Prayer Practices-Prayer Walk

When I was in seminary I had a Saturday morning ritual that prepared me for a day of studying. Each Saturday morning I would put on my tennis shoes, comfortable clothing and head out into the neighborhood for a prayer walk. I would walk the same route or at least a similar one this way I could focus in my prayer rather than where I was going. My route was perfect because for much of the route I could walk in the boulevard and feel a little more removed from the houses that lined the street. As I walked I would talk out loud to God. In the beginning I was very aware of the fact that someone might think I was a little coo-coo. Yet, the more I walked the more I realized that it didn't really matter what other people thought. This time was my time to talk to God and by golly I was going to to it my way!

I don't recall everything I prayed about. I do however, recall that my prayers were very self centered. They tended to focus on things that were happening in my life and affected me. I am sure they focused on my studies and my relationships with those around me. This self focused prayer time was what I needed at the time. I needed to say out loud what was I thinking and feeling so I could return to campus and hopefully be more effective in my studies.

I often wonder how this ritual might have been different if I had spend more time listening for and to God. I wonder if I might have heard a different calling or been more attuned to my authentic self. I wonder if I might have been less anxious and more grateful. As I write this blog I feel drawn to perhaps reengaging with this prayer walk practice with an emphasis on listening rather than talking. I might even come up with a mantra to use to help me concentrate on this aspect of prayer. Or perhaps I will focus on my yoga breath and the calm and openness this can bring.

As I am challenged to recommit to this practice that has been so life giving, I challenge you to try out this prayer practice. Maybe you want to walk the halls of your work place and say a prayer for your co-workers (and no you don't have to talk out loud). Perhaps you want to take a walk in the woods and listen for God's still small voice in the song's of the birds or the wind as it rustles the leaves. Maybe you take your family for a walk in the neighborhood praying for your neighbors as you walk.

If you do take this challenge please share your stories with me. I would love to hear how God is present in your life through prayer!

Prayer As Intentional Communication with God

Prayer is a funny thing. Some days it seems as natural as breathing. Others days it seems as difficult as learning a new language. Spent many years of my life trying to discover the "right" way to pray. I would "try out" different types of prayer, only to find that after using a specific type of prayer for a while it would loose my interest or would no longer resonate with me. As this cycle continued my frustration grew, until I no longer wanted to pray because I couldn't pray the "right" way.

After sometime I came to realize that there is no "right" way to pray. In fact, when it comes to prayer there are literally hundreds of ways to pray. Prayer is intentional communication with God. It is expressing ones thoughts, feelings, and longings to God as well as listening for God's still small voice or being open to a kick in the pants. With this in mind the ways we express ourself are as varied as each individual.

I admit that I still struggle with the listening aspect of prayer. I struggle to discern if the "voice" I'm hearing is God's or mine. I struggle to quiet my racing thoughts enough to really truly hear what God is saying. There are tools I use to help me in my quest to hear God's voice. The one I turn to most frequently is visualization prayer (I wrote about this type of prayer in a previous post-you can find that post here). This is one area where I want to grow so I can more fully experience God's grace and healing love. I'd love to hear your stories about listening for God voice in your prayer practice.

In future posts I will share with you types of prayer. Are there types of prayer you would like to know more about? What types of prayer are you curious about? Is there a type of prayer you've been wanting to try but feel apprehensive about? What are your favorite ways to pray?

Jesus the Master of Love

For a long time I struggled with Jesus. I knew I believed in Jesus as Lord and savior yet I struggled with what this meant. I struggled with who Jesus was and what he meant for human kind and for that matter what he meant for me. In college I came face to face with this tension in the form of friends who believed that the only way to be "saved" and go to heaven was to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and confess him as you Lord and Savior. This didn't sit well with me, yet I didn't know why. I think I knew there was more to it than this.

Fast forward 15 years to the present. I have been through seminary and worked in the church for 10+ years and I still have not been able to fully express what a truly believed about Jesus. I had some jumbled ideas and thoughts but nothing concrete. Then one day not too long ago this video (I wish I knew how to put this directly on this page) featuring Brene Brown popped up on my Facebook feed. As I watched it, I kept saying, "Yes, this is exactly what I know to be true and how I feel about Jesus!" I urge you to watch this 3 minute video. Basically she says that God sent Jesus to show us how to love; to show us that love is messy, it's hard, but it is worth it.

Jesus's kind of love is what the Kingdom of God and salvation are about. In other words we are entities of love just like Jesus was. The difference is that Jesus really understood true love, he was the master of it. We are all just apprentices learning from the best. We stumble, we fall, we fail, we even spew hatred. Salvation is about turning away from sin and towards God. God = Love. So salvation is really about being entities of God's Love as shown though Jesus. Each day we can choose to practice love-love for ourselves, our friends and family, the stranger, and even and maybe most importantly our "enemy." This journey called life is about learning to and living into to our calling to be entities of God's amazingly messy yet transforming love!

Visualization Prayer and Meditation

I am sitting in a big comfy chair in an open gazebo like structure. The candles are glowing and there is a fire going in the stone fireplace. There are vases of flowers and beautiful artwork. As I gaze outside I see a meadow in one direction, a lake in the other, and behind me is forest. As I sit in the stillness I feel the a cool breeze against my body and watch the candles flicker. I am waiting. Then there is a knock at the door...who will it be? What will I say to them? What will they say to me? How will I feel being in there presence?

This place doesn't literally exists. You have just entered into one of the settings and situations for my visualization prayer and meditation. This is one of my favorite forms of prayer and meditation. What I love about visualization is that it gives me something tangible to focus on. In this particular visualization setting the person at the door might be Jesus, a co-worker, a family member, a friend, or even a combination of people. There have been times when I thought I knew who was that the door but when the person entered I was completely surprised. I believe God brings particular people or personas to my door as specific times and for specific reasons. There are times when I just need to lay all my sadness, anger or anxiety out before Jesus. Other times I need to have a "conversation" with a person or persona in order to heal from or move deeper into a situation.

My first encounter with visualization prayer and meditation was during sessions with my Spiritual Director, Rev. Anita Cummings. These were guided visualizations that I have been able to take with me and use them on my own. There are many forms of visualization prayer and meditation. It may help you discern a God's will in a particular decision or situation, it may help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings toward a person or situation, it may give you an avenue for "venting" to God, or it may provide an opportunity to dwell in God's healing love.

I invite you to give this form a prayer and meditation a try. If you would like some assistance getting started I would be happy to partner with you as you venture in.

My Spiritual Direction Experience

One of the most life altering decisions I ever made was to meet with a Spiritual Director.  I was at a point in my life where I felt "stuck" and was feeling far from God. I was working as a Director of Christian Education and kept telling myself that I should be more spiritual and should feel closer to God. I expected that in meeting with a Spiritual Director I would be given spiritual practices to do and maybe talk some about my life. I thought this would be the answer.

Then I started meeting with the Rev. Anita Cummings and my expectations about what spiritual direction was were turned upside down. Sessions with Anita were a mixture of prayer, conversation, visualization, energy/chakra work, and stretching. I fell in love with this integrative approach. Anita, challenged me to begin the healing process-I call it "soul work." This process is about healing the mind and soul but also about uncovering your "hidden treasures." In the end it is about uncovering your and renewing ones relationship with ones authentic self.

As the sessions continued I found I was drawn to the the energy/chakra work and the stretching. It was during this part of my session that I experienced the most overall healing. I found I myself more aware and fully present to my mind, body and spirit. Sometimes healing came in the form of letting go, sometimes in the form more courage, sometimes relaxation, and sometimes a true "aha" moment.

I truly believe that if I had not began spiritual direction with Anita I would still paralyzed with brokenness, fear and shame. I would still be seeking God in all the "wrong" places and I would be a very dark shadow of my authentic self.

Where have you found healing? Who is your spiritual director or guide?

Tell me about your experience with spiritual direction. What is/was it like? What do/did you do? How has it changed you?

Friday Photographs: Remembering 9-11-01

Yes, I am like many others I vividly remember 9-11-2001-what I was doing, who I first spoke with, even what I was wearing when the first tower was hit. I want to remember because I want to keep alive the memory of those that lost their lives but I also want to keep alive and honor all the "helpers". That day the sun set on a era in America. We live in a new reality because of that day. The reality that I want to lift up is the reality of a nation coming together, of people helping each other, people leaning on one another, people being community for each other, and people being the face of Jesus for another. A new day has dawned-let us keep alive the positive things that came from this horrific day!

Breathe In and Out...Breathe In and Out...

Breathe in and out...breathe in and out...breathe in and out...this is how most yoga classes begin. By connecting with rhythm of your breath you begin to to notice things about your body and your mind. You begin to notice where there is tension and where there is an opening for release. This is what keeps me practicing yoga.

When I first began regularly practicing yoga about 9 months ago it was primarily for my physical wellbeing as well as longing for a community where experienced love and belonging. There is no doubt that I am physically stronger and more flexible. In fact when I began yoga I had no idea there were these "crazy" arm balance poses and when I first saw them I thought to myself, "I could never do those!" Yet, today I can do many of them! I am amazed by what my body is capable of.

However, I've also learned that not every pose is there every time you come to your mat. There are days when it takes every ounce of my energy to just get through "my flow" and the rest is really just a crap shoot. On those days, after I curse myself for not being able to to a pose, I then promptly say to myself, "it's okay that it's not there today, maybe tomorrow, or possibly the next day it will be there." I think this is true in life. Some days we can do it and some days we fail. It is on those days that I need to remind myself to love who I am and what I can to that day, not what I could do yesterday or what I might be able to do tomorrow, just who I am TODAY!

What I didn't expect when I began practicing yoga was that I would be challenged and encouraged to be fully present with myself. This practice of being fully present with myself has cultivated an awareness of the connection with mind, body, and spirit. I find the more fully present with myself, the more authentic the connection is between my mind, body, and spirit. Being fully present with yourself requires awareness of the effect that your mind, body and spirt have on one another.  For example, we tend to hold the energy from emotions in our hips, thus when you do a yoga pose that is a hip opener you may suddenly feel a release of an emotion that was stored there. Through the practice of yoga I have become so aware of the these connections and for that I am grateful!

For me the yoga breath...breathing in and out...is where I begin to be fully present with myself. I am reminded that in hebrew the word for "breath" is the same as the word for "spirit." To breathe is to filled with the Holy Spirit. Thus, being fully present with myself is also to be fully present with God.  

Just Say "Yes"

One of my yoga instructors told me one day that I "needed to start saying YES to everything" and that it would "change my life". While I haven't taken his advice to the extreme, meaning I don't say yet to everything, it has made me stop to think about my decisions. I stop and ask myself why am I saying yes, no, or not now.

This past weekend I spend a wonderful afternoon with some friends at their home on the lake. This day I said YES to doing two things I hadn't even occurred to me to do this weekend. I went tubing for the first time in 20 years and I went on a jet ski for the first time ever. During both of these activities I dropped the masks I'd been wearing and was truly myself. I let myself just be and truly enjoyed the experience. I did't worry about what others would think of my decisions or my actions. Actually I was really in my element in/on the water (I think there must be something me being a Pieces!).

In this instance saying YES reminded me of parts of myself I had forgotten or pushed away because it was not something "we did" or it was something only "other people did." I was reminded that to be your authentic self is to feel alive and free. That is how I felt as I sped along the water this weekend. I am committed to spending more time in/on the water because I want to feel alive and free more often!

God created us to be alive and free in body, mind and spirit. When do you feel most authentic or alive? What makes you feel alive? Go and do it-you won't regret it!

Friday Photographs-Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

"I praise you, for I am fearfully and

wonderfully made!"

Psalm 139:14

No matter what flaws we see in ourselves or how broken we might feel we can find hope in the truth that God created us and LOVES us unconditionally. With that knowledge we can be assured that we are worthy of love and belonging. We are all indeed beautiful! 

Living in the Shadows

When we look at a shadow we are seeing only an outline of the actual item. Depending on how the light is cast the shadow of an item can be very skewed and very different from the what the item actually looks like.   When we look only at a shadow we only see what is projected. We don't see the actual or true item.  

Most of us live most of our lives projecting and living in a shadow of our authentic self. As I stated in a previous post I believe our authentic or true self the "self" God intended and created us to be. It is the unwounded, unhurt, and innocent self.  As we live life we become wounded, broken, and afraid. As children we learn to protect ourselves from negative experiences. We build walls, we create masks, and we just tend to forget our authentic self. We forget who God created us to be. We forget we are worthy of love and belonging be cause we are a child of God.

I think there comes a time in our lives when we long to rediscover our authentic self. We need to begin to peel back the layers of fear, woundedness, broken, and shame that have provided the shadow image we see and project. Rediscovering our authentic self is a long and difficult process. There are many avenues, tools, and ways of self discovery. 

What are some tools and avenues you have found to be effective in discovering your authentic self?

The Connection Between Salvation & Wholeness

Several weeks ago I shared with you that I have discovered my passion, "To equip and come alongside people as they journey toward greater spiritual, emotional and physical wholeness." For me the key word in this statement of passion is wholeness. I think that all of us long for wholeness. 

Wholeness can mean different things to different people. For me at it's core wholeness is being restored to our true or authentic selves. Our authentic or true self is who God intended and created us to be. It is the unwounded, unhurt, and innocent self. It is my belief that we come into this world pure and whole. It is only when we begin to experience life that we become broken and only a shadow of our authentic self.

Living in this world means experiencing sin, brokenness, woundedness, shame, fear, and suffering. These experiences draw us away from our authentic selves and create in an "unclean heart". It is only through God's unconditional love shown in Jesus that we can be truly restored to wholeness. For me this is the essence of salvation. Salvation is not about the what happens after we die but rather salvation is about being saved from our "shadow selves" (think inauthentic selves).  Jesus' life, death and resurrection not only showed us how much God loves us but also how to love. Jesus showed us the messiness of love and that love is hard. Jesus also showed us that God's love overcomes death gives restored life to each of us. In reality wholeness is about restoring ourselves to the love that God revealed in Jesus Christ. 

The good news is that we are all on a journey toward wholeness and God has given us a vast array of tools that we can tap into to find spiritual, emotional, and physical wholeness! What are some tools you have? What types of tools would you like to learn more about?

Friday Photographs-Growth

"The first step toward growing is believing that you can."

"Really Tall" Towers

Life can sometimes feel like a tower of blocks that have come crashing down around us. In life we tend to build towers "really tall" just so we can say or feel like we have accomplished something. Then all of a sudden our "really tall" tower come crashing down around us. All we see is brokenness and chaos. Sometimes we have no idea what made it fall. Was it circumstances? Did we knock it down ourselves? Did someone else knock it down? Whatever the reason there we stand frozen with shock for a while.

I don't know about you but when I'm standing in the middle of my pile of blocks looking at the brokenness and chaos that has ensued all I see is devastation and failure. I want to run away and stick my head in a whole and never show my face again. This is especially true when I feel that it is my fault that the tower has fallen. It can feel hopeless and overwhelming.

The "children will lead them"...this past weekend I spent many hours with my two year old niece. She loves to play and build with blocks.  She loves to build "really tall" towers and she built many of them. What I witnessed as I watch her build and rebuild her "really tall" towers was her reaction to the towers crashing down.  In the beginning, each time the tower would fall I would say "uh-oh!" yet her reaction was always the same, "that's okay!" and she would just build it again. Sometimes she would even knock it down herself only to move it in the truck to rebuild it in another place. By the end of my time with her I had all but stopped saying "uh-oh" and just let her response become the norm.

My nieces reaction to "failure" is one of learning and growing not one of devastation. She does not associate failure with a negative reaction or emotion. Now don't get me wrong-failure is hard and can feel devastating. It can make us feel worthless and throw us for a loop. However, I am beginning to really understand that failure is not a symptom of unworthiness but rather part of "showing up" in life. When we are vulnerable, courageous and authentic (authentic=being who God created you to be) we are bound to fail because that how we learn and "THAT'S OKAY!"

Sunset Journey

"There is no beginning or end 

to your dreams or plans.

Life is journey from

moment to moment.

Live each moment to its fullest."

-Garth Catterall-Heart

The Thing About Courage

The thing about courage is that it is hard! Well, at least it is for me. So what exactly is courage? I love Brene Brown's definition of courage. She defines courages as "speaking honestly and openly about two we are, about what we're feeling, and about our experiences (good and bad)" (The Gifts of Imperfection pp. 12-13). In other words courage is about speaking our truth. Courage requires being authentic and having the confidence to speak from our heart about who we are and what we are feeling.

Cultivating courage has been a theme of mine over the past few years. My courage has been tested over and over this past year. This past year required the courage to admit to myself and the world that I was being called away from the vocation of Christian Education. It took courage to dig deep within myself and discover a passion and purpose that has been bubbling within the depths of my spirit for sometime. Both of these realizations required me rediscover my authentic or true self. Not only did I have to "rediscover myself" I also realized the importance of practicing compassion and love toward my authentic self.

One of my favorite quotes about courage is "Courage is fear that has said its prayers." Living in to this new reality has required that I not only face my fear of rejection and not being liked but also praying for healing from the wounds that have contributed this fear. I continue to pray for and practice healing, for self compassion and courage.

What are your stories of courage? What wisdom would you share with others about courage?

A New and Exciting Chapter

Last November I left my position as Director of Christian Education at Memorial Presbyterian Church. This departure was unexpected and devastating. I had been work so hard to become a better leader and Christian Educator and to "make it work" and I thought I had turned a corner and was looking forward to a good year ahead. I was heartbroken, lost, angry, confused, and probably even depressed. I wonder why? I wondered how I move forward? I wondered what was next?

Well, after much prayer, support, and discernment I realized what was NOT next was working as a Christian Educator in a congregation. This took courage for me to realize and embrace this new reality. However, I wasn't sure where God was calling me next. I realized I had to discover what my true passion and purpose was in this season of my life. Thus, I began working with a Career Coach who has guided me on this journey of discernment.

I have discovered this is my passion:

To equip and come alongside people as they journey toward greater spiritual, emotional and physical wholeness.

It is exciting to dream about the ways my passion will manifest itself and grow into a vocation/career. I look forward to sharing wisdom, experiences and insights with you as I discover how God is calling me to live into my passion and purpose!