The experience propelled me to do some serious "soul work". I yearned to feel God's presence and I yearned to feel worthy. It turns our what I really needed was to recover Emmanuel within myself. I embarked on a journey of peeling away the layers of shame and fear that hid my true soul, my authentic self-that hid Emmanuel. In the beginning I believed this uncovering would be easy-just learning skills to make the shame and fear go away. It turns out it was a painful process because healing means wading through the messiness of shame and fear and coming out on the other side. It meant learning what triggers my feelings of shame and fear, it meant lots of crying, and it meant lots of hard work.
What I discovered was that under all the shame and fear God was present within me. God was working in me. God's healing love was transforming the dark wounds of shame and fear into light. The light revealed gifts of worthiness, leadership, compassion, confidence, hope, and joy. I also discovered that God was preparing me for a new adventure-an adventure that has taken me away from my family, my friends, my support system. Two years ago I was not ready for this adventure-I had to wait. God was preparing my heart and soul to minister with the congregation of Memorial Presbyterian Church.
Right now seems to be a Christmas season in my faith journey. I am able to more fully embrace Emmanuel or God within me. I am grateful for the Advent Season in my life but even more grateful for this new season of joy and light!
Emmanuel!
